Away Laughing on a Fast Camel (Confessions of Georgia Nicolson Series #5)

Away Laughing on a Fast Camel\ Even More Confessions of Georgia Nicolson \ \ By Rennison, Louise \ HarperTempest\ ISBN: 0060589353 \ \ \ \ alone, all aloney,\ on my owney\ \ saturday march 5th\ 11:00 a.m. as the crow flies\ Gray skies, gray cluds, gray knickers.\ I can't believe my knickers are gray, but it is typico of my life. My mutti put my white lacy knickers in the wash with Vati's voluminous black shorts (!) and now they are gray.\ If there was a medal for craposity in the mutti department, she would win it hands down.\ I am once again wandering lonely as a clud through this Vale of Tears.\ I wish there was someone I could duff up but I have no one to blame. Except God, and although He is everywhere at once He is also invisible. (Also, the last person who tried to duff God up was Satan, and he ended up standing on his head in poo with hot swords up his bum-oley.)\ 11:20 a.m.\ This is my fabulous life: the Sex God left for Whakatane last month and he has taken my heart with him.\ 11:25 a.m.\ Not literally, of course, otherwise there would be a big hole in my nunga-nungas.\ 11:28 a.m. And also I would be dead. Which quite frankly would be a blessing in disguise.\ 12:00 p.m.\ It is soooo boring being brokenhearted. My eyes look like little piggie eyes from crying. Which makes my nose look ginormous.\ Still, at least I am a lurker-free zone.\ Although with my luck there will be a lurker explosion any minute.\ Alison Bummer once had a double yolker on her neck; she had a big spot and it had a baby spot growing on top of it.\ I'll probably get that.\ 12:05 p.m.\ Phoned my very bestest pally, Jas.\ "Jas, it's me."\ "What?"\ "Jas, you don't sound very pleased to hear from me."\ "Well . . . I would be, but it's only five minutes since you last phoned and Tom is just telling me about this thing you can do. You go off into the forest and -- "\ "This hasn't got anything to do with badgers, has it?"\ "Well . . . no, not exactly, it's a wilderness course and you learn how to make fire and so on."\ Oh great balls of merde here we go, off into the land of the terminally insane, i.e., Jasland. I said as patiently as I could because I am usually nice(ish) to the disadvantaged, "You are going off on a course to learn how to make fire?"\ "Yes, exciting, eh?"\ "Why do you have to go on a course to learn how to open a box of matches?" "You can't use matches."\ "Why not?"\ "Because it's a wilderness course."\ "No, wrong, Jas, it's a crap course where people are too mean to give you any matches."\ She did that sighing business.\ "Look, Georgia, I know you are upset about Robbie going off to Kiwi-a-gogo land."\ "I am."\ "And you not having a boyfriend or anything."\ "Yes, well . . ."\ "And, you know, being all lonely, with no one to really care about you."\ "Yes, alright Jas, I know all th -- "\ "And the days stretching ahead of you without any meaning and -- "\ "Jas, shut up."\ "I'm only trying to say that -- "\ "That is not shutting up, Jas. It is going on and on."\ She got all huffy and Jasish.\ "I must go now. Tom has got some knots to show me."\ I was in the middle of saying, "Yes I bet he has . . ." in an ironic and très amusant way when she brutally put the phone down.\ 12:30 p.m.\ Alone, all aloney.\ On my owney.\ The house is empty, too. Everyone is out at Grandad's for lunch.\ I was nearly made to go until I pointed out that I am in mourning and unable to eat anything because of my heartbreak.\ Mine is a pathetico tale that would make anyone who had a heart weep, but that does not include Vati. He said he would gladly leave me behind because talking to me made him realize the fun he had had when he accidentally fell into the open sewers in India.\ 1:15 p.m.\ Looking out of my bedroom window. Entombed in my room forever. Like in that book The Prisoner of Brenda or whatever it is called.\ Except I could go out if I wanted.\ But I don't want to.\ I may never go out again.\ Ever.\ 1:30 p.m.\ This is boring. I've been cooped up for about a million years. What time is it?\ Phoned Jas.\ "Jas?"\ "Oh God."\ "What time is it?"\ "What?"\ "Why are you saying 'what' for? I merely asked you a civil question."\ "Why don't you look at your own clock?"\ "Jas, have you noticed I am very, very upset and that my life is over? Have you noticed that?"\ "Yes I have, because you have been on the phone telling me every five minutes for a month."\ "Well, I am soo sorry if it is too much trouble to tell your very bestest pal the time. Perhaps my eyes are too swollen from tears to see the clock." "Well, are they?"\ "Yes."\ "Well, how come you could see to dial my number?"\ Mrs. Huffy Knickers was so unreasonable.\ "Anyway, I'm not your bestest pal anymore. Nauseating P. Green is your bestest pal now that you rescued her from the clutches of the Bummer twins."\ I slammed down the phone.\ Brilliant. Sex Godless and now friend to P. Green, that well-known human goldfish.\ Sacré bloody bleu and triple merde.\ And poo.\ Oh Robbie, how could you leave me and go off to the other (incredibly crap) side of the world? What has Kiwi-a-gogo land got that I haven't? Besides forty million sheep.\ I think I'll play the tape he gave me again. It's all I have left to remind me of him and our love. That will never die.\ Continues... \ \ \ \ Excerpted from Away Laughing on a Fast Camel by Rennison, Louise Excerpted by permission.\ All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.\ Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site. \ \

\ From Barnes & NobleThe Barnes & Noble Review\ The très bon and marvy heroine of Louise Rennison's Confessions of Georgia Nicolson series returns in this fifth fab diary that's sure to get fans cheering -- Italian-American style! This time around, Georgia's lamenting the Sex God's departure to Kiwi A-go-go Land, and she's sure that her mouth will seal shut from lack of snogging. (Robbie's boring letter doesn't help her spirits, either.) But when Robbie's old band, the Stiff Dylans, introduce a new lead singer -- an utterly gorgey boy named Masimo -- Georgia's lips are ready for action. Will Georgia get an up-close-and-personal taste of the dear boy? After a few hilarious mishaps, her lip-nibbling future with Masimo doesn't look bright, yet due to some masterful Horn advice from Dave the Laugh and a lucky twist of fate, Georgia might end up dreaming of spaghetti and hamburgers after all. Although the Sex God is out of the picture, Rennison fans won't be disappointed with this installment that includes a new, drool-worthy stud and a totally surprising cliff-hanger. Like many of us girls, Georgia still hasn't figured out boys, but with her knee-slapping adventures helping us out, we're thankfully snickering the whole time. Shana Taylor\ \ \ \ \ BookPage"Rennison has once again captured the more hilarious elements of the teen experience."\ \ \ Horn Book Magazine"Georgia’s many fans will cheer her return in this fifth book."\ \ \ \ \ San Francisco Chronicle"Refreshing."\ \ \ \ \ San Francisco Chronicle“Refreshing.”\ \ \ \ \ BookPage“Rennison has once again captured the more hilarious elements of the teen experience.”\ \ \ \ \ Horn Book Magazine“Georgia’s many fans will cheer her return in this fifth book.”\ \ \ \ \ Publishers WeeklyIn PW's words, "The laugh-a-minute heroine from Angus, Thongs and Full-Frontal Snogging returns for a fifth installment. With her boyfriend away in New Zealand, Georgia finds a singer from "Spaghetti-a-gogo land" (Italy to the rest of us) who rekindles her interest in boys. Ages 14-up. (June) Copyright 2005 Reed Business Information.\ \ \ \ \ VOYAThere is a huge double trend that began across the pond and is now very much entrenched on North American shores. One has to do with a young wizard and the other with a boy-crazy teenage girl. As many eagerly await the next installment of the first, fans of the second will be thrilled with the most recent in the confessions of the girl called "the teenaged Bridget Jones," Georgia Nicholson. Readers find Georgia dealing with the departure of her first love as well as the usual array of teen traumas. In this fifth series book, it is dismaying to see no growth in Georgia. She is a teenage girl, but as Phyllis Reynolds Naylor proves with her Alice series, teenage girls grow and change throughout their middle and high school years. Georgia is still appallingly rude to those who care about her, and she remains annoyingly self-centered. Despite these flaws, an overdose of British slang, and Georgia's habit of adding "-osity" to the end of words, there is still genuine humor laced throughout. Teens will continue to relate to Georgia as she agonizes over her "too wide nose" and getting the new heartthrob band boy, Masimo, to notice her. The best scenes involve little sister Libby, cat Angus, and newest family member, kitten Gordy, as these three bring out a rare sweetness in Georgia. Fans will eagerly await the next installment. Public and school libraries will definitely want to add this one to the earlier books. VOYA CODES: 3Q 5P J S (Readable without serious defects; Every YA (who reads) was dying to read it yesterday; Junior High, defined as grades 7 to 9; Senior High, defined as grades 10 to 12). 2004, HarperTempest, 288p., and PLB Ages 12 to 18. \ —Shari Fesko\ \ \ \ \ School Library JournalGr 7-9-Georgia continues her fabbity-fab ride through adolescence. Pining for her boyfriend Robbie, aka the Sex God, who is in Kiwi-a-gogo land, she finally receives the long-awaited letter. To her dismay, it is anything but romantic and she finds herself with a severe case of heart breakosity. No fear, her attention is quickly diverted by Masimo, an Italian American who is the new boy in town. Even though the teen hasn't matured much, her voice is still fresh. The book will have readers laughing out loud and looking for more. This installment ends with Vati announcing that the family is going to Hamburger-a-gogo land, the USA, on break, leaving one to believe there is a sequel in the works. The book can stand alone but some of the innuendos will be missed by readers unfamiliar with the previous titles. Students will be asking for this one and fans will keep it off the shelf.-Angela M. Boccuzzi, Merton Williams' Middle School, Hilton, NY Copyright 2004 Reed Business Information.\ \