Different Daughters: A Book by Mothers of Lesbians
Twenty-nine mothers of lesbians come together to trace their journeys towards acceptance of their daughters. Facing their fears and confusion, prejudice and misunderstandings, they speak honestly and bravely about the difficulties and joys of life with their "different daughters." Writing about families, community, religion, grandchildren, bisexuality, transsexuality, and coming out, the authors of Different Daughters raise questions shared by all mothers. How can we accept our children for...
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Coming out to Mom is a lesbian rite of passage. In the third edition of this landmark anthology, 34 remarkable women face their fears and confusion, prejudice and misunderstandings, and speak honestly and bravely about the difficulties and joys of life with their “different daughters.” Among the topics of discussion are family, community, religion, grandchildren, bisexuality, transgenderism, and coming out. Lambda Book Report Every Lesbian should have two copies of Different Daughters, one for herself and one for her mom...
"In hindsight, I can see that though I may have initially thought I was writing Different Daughters for other women, this book was crucial to my own journey toward familial acceptance. It was simple: I wanted my mother to love and accept me, and I started from the top, addressing what I thought was the most difficult block to that goal. Now I see my lesbianism more as a part of my life, part of the package of who I am and why my mother and I get along and, only rarely, why we don’t. It hasn’t always been an easy to full acceptance, yet through our struggles we have grown to love each other more deeply and, most importantly, really know each other. I am forever grateful to my mother for her bravery and for simply sticking it out and doing the work of changing.\ Still, though we’ve taken huge strides, individually and collectively, there is work to be done, even in areas of my own life, which has taken some unexpected turns. My partner of six years died suddenly last year. On top of the unbelievable and overwhelming pain of this loss, I now find myself in a battle with members of her family over her life—our life. Although during her life they acknowledge our relationship, in her death they have chosen to denounce our partnership. Painfully, our commitment will most probably be debated by a cour jury. WE lesbians have won some battles, but on many levels we are still unprotected and vulnerable to a system that doesn’t yet legally recognize our love.\ I hope someday there will no longer be a need for this book. Until that time arrives, I am happy that my optimistically undertaken, youthful project may help those seeking comfort and understanding. I continue to believe that love over-comes prejudice, that love us the most important thing we either give or receive, and—finally—that love makes love.”
Introduction to the Second Edition11A Merry-Go-Round17From a Trunk to a Soapbox: An Update22A Place at the Table25Choices and Surprises31From Hermit Crabs to Hampsters34A Tradition of Strength38Movement and Change41After the Initial Shock47After Different Daughters: An Update52"Bi" Understanding55The Silt of a River61Our Separate Lives67Of Prejudice and Acceptance76The Odd Man Out80Yom Kippur84No Magic Wand88A Very Public Statement95Ways of Knowing and Not Knowing103A Fashion Crisis105Another Kind of Different111A Second Chance114Towards a Bright Future120"Winnetka Matron Testifies for Gay Rights"124Like Daughter, Like Mother127A Two-Way Street131Here, and There134"Girlfriends!"137Taming the Devils Within140Finding My Way Through the Woods144Purple Balloons on Market Street149Suggestions and Resources159About the Editor161
\ Lambda Book ReportEvery Lesbian should have two copies of Different Daughters, one for herself and one for her mom...\ \ \ \ \ Library JournalLargely due to the influence of Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, the last 12 years have seen several books dealing with the relationship between parents and their gay/lesbian offspring. Most recent is Carolyn Welch Griffin and others' Beyond Acceptance: parents of lesbians and gays talk about their experiences ( LJ 5/1/86). In a well-intentioned attempt to add to this literature, Muller, the mother of a gay son, has conducted interviews with 61 lesbians and gay men, and 10 parents in the Chicago area, to tell the story of relationships between adult children who are ``out'' and their parents. Although she acknowledges that her findings ``do not necessarily draw a larger picture,'' she attempts to generalize from them. Though she gives an appendix of graphs and tables, the methodology is unsound; and the book is poorly organized. As its subtitle explains, Different Daughters is a collection of stories solicited from mothers of lesbians. Depicting a spectrum of racial, class, and religious backgrounds, the essays range in length, depth, and insight. Those transcribed from interviews are marked to denote them from the written pieces. The honest voices of these women are clear as they come to terms with their offsprings' lifestyles, providing a valuable perspective for others dealing with these complex issues. James E. Van Buskirk, Acad. of Art Coll. Lib., San Francisco\ \
