Do unto Others: 1000 Hilarious Ways to Screw with People's Heads
From the authors of Would You Rather, comes Do Unto Others, A Life's Little Instruction Book for those looking to add a little lunacy to their lives.With over 1,000 off-the-wall things to do in over 50 locations (churchs, shopping malls, public bathrooms, etc.), Justin Heimberg and David Gomberg have created a laugh-a-minute guide to disturbing and disgusting those around you.\ Here are some sample suggestions:\ Things to Do During a Job Interview\ —Answer all questions in interpretive...
Search in google:
From the authors of Would You Rather, comes Do Unto Others, A Life's Little Instruction Book for those looking to add a little lunacy to their lives.With over 1,000 off-the-wall things to do in over 50 locations (churchs, shopping malls, public bathrooms, etc.), Justin Heimberg and David Gomberg have created a laugh-a-minute guide to disturbing and disgusting those around you.Here are some sample suggestions:Things to Do During a Job Interview—Answer all questions in interpretive dance—If they ask... "So Where Are you From?" You answer... "I'm probably the creation of some insane wizard." Fun Things to Do in a Mall—At the bookstore, hang out in self-help section, hit on vulnerable women. —Offer to pay for things in a) pennies b) acorns c) "tales of adventure"From the outlandish to the absurd, Do Unto Others covers all the bases of how to make the most out of mundane situations.
Do Unto Others\ 1000 Hilarious Ways to Screw with People's Heads \ \ By Justin Heimberg \ St. Martin's Griffin\ Copyright © 2000 Justin Heimberg\ All right reserved.\ ISBN: 9780312252915 \ \ \ Do Unto Others\ 27Decidedly Demented Things to Do in a Mall"Welcome to Circuit City, where service is state of the art."--Ralph Waldo EmersonA trip to the mall can be an unbearable experience. Long lines, over-friendly sales clerks, and hordes of whining children can take their toll. But malls don't have to be so grueling. There are plenty of ways to entertain yourself in these temples of consumption.1. Go to Supercuts, ask them to "take a little off the stomach."2. At Blockbuster, replace the movies in "staff recommendations" with low-budget drive-in movies and hardcore pornography like Hot Resort, Sizzle Beach USA, and Ebony Humpers 6.3. Start scuffle in Foot Locker, try to get salesman to give you a technical.4. At Barnes and Noble, hang out in self-help section, hit on vulnerable women.5. Try to grate cheese using an escalator.6. When department-store employees spray you with perfume/cologne sample, scream "I'm melting ... . I'm melting ... . So much pain ... Death is welcome ..."; crumple to ground.7. At Abercrombie & Fitch, badger other customers with lengthy explanations as to why Abercrombie is far superior to Fitch; distribute propaganda.8. Go to Kmart, buy absurd combinations of things that arouse cashier's imagination. Examples: a) a calculator, some glue, and a jar of olives b) a hamster, a fork, and some paprika c) pack of thumbtacks, a menorah, and a bottle of vodka.9. Offer to pay for things in a) pennies b) acorns c) "tales of adventure."10. Set up book-signing table, claim you are Art Buchwald. If you choose, write delusional and threatening notes in book copies, e.g. "The infidels shall be quashed," "Cower to my genius," and "I shall shower nougat upon your first born."11. Stroll through toy store with electronic "Simon" in pants, watch customers' confusion.12. Go to TGI Friday's, order a table for two. Insist that Steve Guttenberg will be joining you; feign heartbreak when he doesn't show up.13. Ask news shop if they have the latest edition of Inhaler Aficionado.14. Try on biker shorts that are too small for you. Stand in front of mirror scrutinizing fit, often eliciting sales clerk's opinion.15. Teach pet-store parrots to say, "I have a prehensile penis and retractable testicles."16. Set up soap box in arcade, preach and rant about "Pinfla-tion--the unnecessary increase in pinball scores"; blame Germans.17. Go into Victoria's Secret, hand clerk sexy lingerie, tell her, "You look about my girlfriend's size. Could you try this on?"18. Do the same thing, but say, "You look about my mom's size."19. Do the same thing, but say "You look about Jack Sikma's size."20. Go to piercing shop, ask them to pierce your pancreas.21. At Barnes and Noble, fake like you're speed-reading Dostoyevsky at an absurd rate. Nod and chuckle occasionally.22. Do the same, but pretend that you can comprehend the words simply by sniffing them.23. Walk up to someone and "recognize" them as Carrie Fisher. Insist on getting an autograph.24. Try to make mall cops laugh, as though they were members of England's Royal Guard.25. Try to make them cry.26. Open all jars of tennis balls, inhale fumes, tell people in a giggly slur that "Sport's Authority is so much better if you're stoned."27. Take large, cumbersome, awkwardly shaped objects to department stores to be gift-wrapped. (Examples: stack of firewood, an inflated blow-up doll, a live mallard.)DO UNTO OTHERS. Copyright © 2000 by Justin Heimberg and David Gomberg. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews. For information, address \ \ Continues... \ \ \ \ Excerpted from Do Unto Others by Justin Heimberg Copyright © 2000 by Justin Heimberg. Excerpted by permission.\ All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.\ Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site. \ \
Introductionxi27 Decidedly Demented Things to Do in a Mall15 Things to Do at McDonald's531 Unbelievably Unsettling Things to Do in a Job Interview712 Things to Do When You're the Boss1332 Divinely Disturbing Things to Do to End a Relationship155 Things to Do When Meeting the In-Laws for the First Time1924 Beautifully Blasphemous Things to Do in Church214 Irresistibly Irreverent Things to Do in Synagogue2540 Endlessly Entertaining Things to Do in School278 Things to Do If You're the Teacher3530 Splendidly Strange Things to Do in an Elevator375 Things to Do at the Department of Motor Vehicles4146 Absolutely Asinine Things to Do in Places of Amusement4325 Wonderfully Warped Things to Do at a Gym/Health Club5110 Things to Do in a Public Bathroom5528 Decidedly Disconcerting Things to Do to Freak Out a New Roommate5742 Brilliantly Baffling Things to Do at the Office If You Just Don't Give a Crap Anymore63Index of Occupational Absurdity6931 Radically Rude Things to Do When Dealing With Annoying People7134 Positively Peculiar Things to Do on a First Date7518 Things to Do During Sex8133 Beautifully Bizarre Things to Do on Special Occasions8547 Lavishly Ludicrous Things to Do When Traveling9123 More Unbelievably Unsettling Things to Do in a Job Interview9924 Marvelously Miscellaneous Things to Do to Mess With People's Minds103Acknowledgments/About the Authors107
