Eat What You Want and Die Like A Man
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Eat healthy and live to be 100?Screw that.Why choke down bland, mushy, steamed veggies and brown rice when there's so much fat-laden, calorie-rich, heart-bursting cuisine out there to be savored? Because you want to live? So you can spend your golden years wandering aimlessly around a Florida shopping mall and eating dinner at 2 in the afternoon? So your rotten kids can plop you into some hellhole of a nursing home the minute you forget what day it is?Go ahead, triple your cholesterol and triglyceride counts, and clog those arteries. You'll never get out of this world alive, so enjoy life while you can. Here are the most unhealthy triple-bypass recipes sure to satisfy the most insatiable cholesterol craving. Instead of steamed tofu, try Lard-Oozing Caja-China-Roasted Hog or Pizzeria-style Baked Ziti with Sausage and Mozzarella! Follow up with a decadent dessert of Deep-Fried Twinkies or Ice Cream Lasagne. You'll die quicker but with a smile on your face.Eat What You Want and Die Like a Man will put you back in touch with your Inner Hog.Raves for Steve Graham's THE GOOD, THE SPAM, AND THE UGLY"Gleefully offensive."—Publishers Weekly"Thanks for using a pseudonym."—Steve's father Publishers Weekly Nostalgic for a time when kitchen counters had a container marked "grease" right next to "flour" and "sugar," author and blogger Graham (Keep Chewing Till It Stops Kicking) offers up a rambling, tongue-in-cheek, plaque-in-artery collection of recipes and essays for those dedicated to the "Art of Lard." Graham delights in slaughtering sacred cows with his acerbic, at times wildly inappropriate humor, but also gets a terrific amount of glee from simple bacon grease, a key ingredient in ribs, chicken fried steak, hash browns and even popcorn. Predictably dense takes on macaroni and cheese, burgers and fries dominate, though more exotic fare like Turducken and Rotis with Goat Curry are also detailed. Graham's glib instructions can frustrate; for fatty (but incredibly flavorful) twice-baked fries, "you get your fat, and you put it in a big pot, and you put it in the oven at 250 for like a day. Then you throw out the lumps that remain," before you add potatoes for frying. Most of his dishes, however, fall within the capabilities of kitchen novices, and he peppers sound advice throughout on everything from the proper use of ham hocks to the care of cast iron skillets. Unfortunately, his wildly uneven tone and pointless digressions kill any sense of momentum, making this a comedic smorgasbord best consumed in moderation. Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
Acknowledgments xiIntroduction 1Ribs 7How to Smoke Your Butt 22BBQ Beans, Texas Toast, and the Inevitable Mel Brooks Reference 27Breakfast as a Mind-Altering Drug 38Chicken-Fried Rib Eye on A Huge Biscuit 48Grease Burgers 54Corn Bread and Navy Beans 60Turducken: Flight of the Hindenbird 68Aged Prime Steak Cooked on a Propane Griddle 79Champagne Chicken with Fettuccine in Cream Sauce 90Smoked Pork and Andouille Jambalaya 98Pizzeria-Style Baked Ziti with Sausage and Mozzarella 103Stuffed Hog with Apricot and Marsala Glaze 115Unauthentic White Anglo-Saxon Protestant Chili 125Super-Giant Fried Patacon Tacos 134Deep-Fried Chinese-Style Honey-Garlic Chicken 143Rotis with Goat Curry 148Doro Wat-Ethiopian-Style Chicken Stew 154Hash Brown Casserole with Cheddar and Sour Cream 162Dreadfully Fattening Macaroni and Cheese 169Twice-Fried Fries Cooked in Beef Fat 181Perfect 10-Minute Street Pizza 191Peach Cobbler 208Ice Cream Lasagna 213Yeast-Raised Fried Doughnuts in Coconut/Banana Sauce 221Coconut Flan 233540-Calorie Brownies 238Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Hot Fudge Dessert/Pms Remedy 245Blueberry Butter Cheesecake 252Cheese Baklava 264Red Lager and Room-Temperature-Brewed Ale 269Five Greasy Pieces 275Conclusion 284Index 285
