Forever, Erma: Best Loved Writing from America's Favorite Humorist

Foreword xi Paint Tint Caper--September 4, 1965 1 Birds, Bees and Guppies--January 6, 1966 2 Good Neighbor Policy--May 16, 1966 3 Waking Up Momma--July 4, 1966 5 When Last Child Goes to School--September 5, 1966 6 Surviving Motherhood--September 1966 7 Costume for the School Play--May 29, 1968 8 Outgrowing Naps--August 14, 1968 9 A Mother's Eye--August 18, 1968 11 Confirmed Shouter--March 5, 1969 12 Youngest Child Tries to Tell a Joke--May 23, 1969 13 No More Oatmeal Kisses--January 29, 1969 14 "Are We Rich?"--June 3, 1971 15 When God Created Mothers--May 12, 1974 16 Motherhood-Love and Laughter--September 1974 18 How to Communicate with Toddlers--December 1974 19 The Twelve Days of School--September 1975 20 "Things My Mother Taught Me" Assignment--September 28, 1975 21 A Baby's Bill of Rights--November 13, 1975 22 Happiness and Motherhood--April 24, 1980 23 Disposable Diapers--February 8, 1990 24 Spit--March 18, 1990 26 Children Cornering the Coin Market--January 5, 1965 28 My Son, the President--October 30, 1965 30 "I Don't Want to Go to Grandma's"--May 1966 31 Going Deaf from Rock `n' Roll--January 23, 1967 32 Daughter Learning to Drive--July 18, 1969 34 Phone Messages--October 22, 1969 35 Working Mom's Telephone Crisis--May 28, 1971 36 I've Always Loved You Best--July 20, 1971 38 Mike and the Grass--May 1973 39 Live-in Neighbor Child--September 30, 1973 40 Kids: Life's Greatest Mysteries--July 29, 1975 41 I Loved You Enough to --January 6, 1976 42 Parents Get Apartment--June 6, 1976 43 Children Are Like Kites--May 15, 1977 44 Summertime Blues--August 3, 1978 46 Local or Toll Call Girlfriend?--February 1, 1979 47 Marching to a Different Drummer--November 3, 1979 48 Parenthood Is Worth the Risks--September 2, 1980 49 Favorite Child--May 10, 1981 50 The First Day of School--September 3, 1981 51 Third Child--November 5, 1981 52 Mother-Son Dialogue--January 13, 1987 53 Different Mother for Each Child--June 26, 1990 55 Soap Operas--June 1, 1965 56 Lost identity--September 18, 1965 57 When the Memory Starts to Go--June 9, 1967 59 Subversive Window Washer--September 29, 1967 60 Sewing-Basket Blues--November 21, 1969 61 Ironing--June 10, 1971 63 The Mother Who Drives--June 11, 1972 64 Making Paycheck Stretch--October 1972 65 A Housewife's Prayer--October 1974 66 Mom Last to Get Cold--October 16, 1975 67 "I Was 37 Years Old at the Time"--August 7, 1976 69 Dumpy Paper Dress--March 31, 1977 70 Handbags--October 25, 1977 71 Bizarre Accidents--November 29,1981 72 Turning into Mother--June 1, 1989 73 Get Well for Mom--April 3, 1966 75 Cleaning Out the Attic--December 28, 1966 76 Interpreting the Checkbook--April 24, 1967 78 Men Have a Six-Word Limit--July 23, 1969 79 Car Hits a Tree--January 24, 1971 80 Daytime Husband, Nocturnal Wife--March 22, 1971 81 Keeping Track of Valuable Papers--June 1972 83 Husband Born Late--October 8, 1972 84 Husband Dreads Hammering Nails in the Wall--November 23, 1972 85 My Husband the Prince of Darkness--February 20, 1973 86 Husband Has Clothes for All Occasions--May 8, 1979 87 Jim Is Retired--May 19, 1985 89 My Social Life--November 3, 1985 90 Clippers--April 26, 1987 91 Car Heater--December 11, 1988 92 Husband Reads at Night--March 14, 1989 93 Husband Preempts His Christmas Gifts--December 10, 1992 95 Household Hints--September 11, 1965 97 The Home Handyman--January 18, 1966 98 The American Clothesline--April 20, 1967 100 Getting Locked Out--July 8, 1968 101 No Pencil in the House--February 17, 1969 102 The Husband Who Prunes--September 15, 1969 104 Garage Sales--June 6, 1971 105 Relaxing with "Country Gardens"--October 26, 1975 106 Working Wife/Maid Communication--September 28, 1982 107 VCR--January 24, 1985 108 "What Time Is It?"--November 2, 1986 109 Boston Fern--November 13, 1986 111 Repairmanese--March 3, 1988 112 Eyeglasses in Every Room--June 27, 1989 113 Weekends--March 15, 1990]TC1 114 Changing of the Closets--May 1, 1990 115 Swinging Was Respectable on Front Porch--September 22, 1994 117 Martha Stewart--September 27, 1995 118 When God Created Fathers--June 17, 1973 120 Consolidating Cereal, Ice Cream, Cookies, etc.--December 8, 1974 121 Stepfather--January 6, 1980 122 Daddy Doll Under the Bed--June 21, 1981 123 Speak "Thermostat"--December 19, 1982 125 New Generation of Fathers--June 21, 1987 126 The Instead-of Cookbook--November 4, 1965 128 Weight Watchers Dilemma--April 27, 1972 129 Burning Calories--August 18, 1974 130 Dinner Is Ready--May 24, 1977 132 Dieting Is a Losing Battle--March 21, 1978 133 Seven Days to Make Garbage--May 3, 1981 134 Thawing Hamburger--March 9, 1982 135 Fruitcake--December 11, 1986 136 Doggie Bags--August 25, 1987 138 Spices--July 26, 1988 139 Older People Only Talk about Food--May 24, 1990 140 Leftovers That Refuse to Die--December 17, 1991 141 Leftover Halloween Candy--December 1, 1994 143 Tooth Traps--June 4, 1995 144 Daughter Returns to College--January 28, 1972 146 Picking Up the Tennis Ball--July 24, 1975 147 Empty Nest Overrated--October 1,1978 148 Parents Covet Kids' Closets--August 9, 1979 149 "Not to Worry"--July 15, 1984 150 My Son's Answering Machine--June 22, 1986 152 Remembering Children's Names and Ages--June 14, 1987 153 Kids Show Up for Dinner--July 19, 1990 154 Parent-Child Bonding--January 13, 1991 155 When Grown Kids Come to Visit--December 20, 1995 157 Grandma and Funerals--November 20, 1968 159 Love Is a Grandparent--November 3, 1974 160 The Volunteer--June 24, 1975 161 Mother Earned Her Wrinkles--February 8, 1976 163 The Listener--February 26, 1977 164 Mothers of Disabled Children--May 11, 1980 165 Heroes--August 2, 1981 166 Caregivers--November 26, 1991 167 Mothers Who Have Lost a Child--May 14, 1995 168 Help Thy Neighbor--August 25, 1968 170 Men Never Ask Directions--August 24, 1969 171 The Last Family Vacation--June 1972 172 Parking the Family Trailer--June 1972 173 Showing Slides of Vacation--February 26, 1974 175 Continental Breakfast--August 17, 1975 176 Elusive Rest Area--July 11, 1976 177 Seeing America by Headlights--September 16, 1980 178 Eleven-Piece Vacation Wardrobe--July 21, 1981 180 Traveling with Tripod--July 27, 1982 181 Alaska Cruise and Smoked Salmon--April 21, 1987 182 Children of Christmas--December 25, 1969 184 Kids Are Sick It Must Be Christmas--December 18, 1970 185 Family Christmas Newsletter--December 9, 1971 186 Christmas Chimes--December 23, 1976 187 Son Home for the Holidays?--January 2, 1977 189 Halloween Challenges "No Talent" Mother--October 30, 1979 190 Grandfather's Solitude--December 25, 1979 191 No One Diets on Thanksgiving--November 26, 1981 192 "Love Is" List for a Gusto Husband--February 14, 1982 193 Thanksgiving and Families--November 25, 1982 194 Memory Tree--December 22, 1983 195 Christmas Newsletter Winner--December 12, 1985 197 Undecorating the Christmas Tree--January 1, 1987 198 "Equal" Christmas Gifts--December 22, 1994 199 Entertaining--November 18, 1965 201 Mouse in the Pump Organ--January 13, 1971 202 My Husband Builds a Fire--December 1971 203 "Come Casual"--April 1975 205 Party Hostess Loneliest Person in the World--September 1975 206 College Reunion--November 3, 1977 207 Trip to the Rest Room--October 25, 1979 208 Pepper Mill Experience--December 18, 1983 209 Grandma's Grudges--May 1, 1984 210 Houseguests--August 6, 1958 211 Restaurant Conversation--October 20, 1985 213 Hors d' Oeuvres--December 5, 1985 214 Family Goodbyes--July 28, 1994 215 Planning Birthday Celebrations--November 8, 1994 217 Socks Lost in Washer--May 28, 1969 219 Girdles--May 18, 1970 220 Creeping Underwear--December 1972 222 Socks Still Lost in Washer--April 1, 1973 223 Pantskirt in the Rest Room--September 1973 224 Coat Hangers--September 18, 1984 225 No Luck with Pantyhose--November 10, 1985 226 Crockpot Sock--March 20, 1990 228 The Restless Car--October 1, 1995 229 Talent--June 6, 1966 231 Even Charity Has Its Bounds--January 2, 1967 232 Time--November 17, 1971 233 Women Are Financial Giants--February 19, 1980 235 Junk Drawers--January 17, 1984 236 Box Savers--December 20, 1984 237 I'm-Not-Going Syndrome--October 28, 1986 238 Fashion Trends Pioneer--October 11, 1987 240 Shoulder Pads--December 1, 1988 241 Comfortable Shoes--September 14, 1989 242 Seize the Moment--June 25, 1991 243 Brain Capacity Is Limited--July 4, 1993 245 Let's Face It, Not All Ruts Need Repair--April 17, 1996 246 Tributes 248

\ Publishers Weekly - Publisher's Weekly\ The housewife columnist whose gently subversive humor has won her a prominent niche in American culture is commemorated in this collection of over 120 of her most popular and memorable essays. Bombeck, whose bestsellers include All I Know About Animal Behavior I Learned in Loehmann's Dressing Room, died in 1996. Trained as a newspaper reporter, she honed her skills into a unique blend of humorous social commentary based on the quotidian passage of domestic life and an empathy with women in their relations with the larger world, including spouses and children. Much honored, quoted and sought after for advice, Bombeck had an infectious sense of human absurdity that is highlighted in this collection celebrating her 25-year career as a low-key enforcer of the positive in the face of adversity, whether it be her own terminal illness, or "missing socks, promiscuous hangovers and other unexplained phenomena" that were grist for her reporter's mill. (Oct.)\ \ \ \ \ Library JournalWomen lost a champion and the world lost a humorist when Bombeck died at age 59 in April of this year. Exiting life as selflessly and graciously as she lived it (she refused to use her celebrity status to "jump the line" for a much-needed kidney transplant), Bombeck left us more than 4500 columns, 12 books, countless public appearances, and a glimmer of optimism intrinsic to her writings. Her latest book takes readers on a journey through a collection of her favorite writings compiled by Donna Martin (formerly a vice president of Andrews & McMeel) and journalist Alan McDermott with the assistance of Bombeck's secretary, Norma Born; Bombeck's husband, Bill; and Bombeck herself. This anthology runs the gamut of Bombeck's career, both chronologically and thematically, with tributes from Ellen Goodman and Art Buchwald, among others. Many public libraries already possessing Bombeck's works (most recently, All I Know About Animal Behavior I Learned in Loehmann's Dressing Room, HarperCollins, 1996) will want to make their collection complete with this selection.Kay Meredith Dusheck, Univ. of Iowa, Iowa City\ \