Getting to Calm: Cool-Headed Strategies for Parenting Tweens + Teens
Parenting a teenager is tougher than ever, but new brain research offers new insight into the best way to connect with teens. With humor, wisdom and a deep understanding of the teenaged brain, noted teen expert Dr. Laura Kastner shows parents how to stay calm and cool-headed while dealing with hot-button issues everything from rude attitude and lying to sex and substance use — with clear, easy-to-follow suggestions for setting limits while maintaining a close and loving relationship. Find out...
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Parenting a teenager is tougher than ever, but new brain research offers new insight into the best way to connect with teens. With humor, wisdom and a deep understanding of the teenaged brain, noted teen expert Dr. Laura Kastner shows parents how to stay calm and cool-headed while dealing with hot-button issues everything from rude attitude and lying to sex and substance use — with clear, easy-to-follow suggestions for setting limits while maintaining a close and loving relationship. Find out why Dr. T. Berry Brazelton calls Getting to Calm required reading for any parent who struggles with their teen!Laura S. Kastner, Ph.D., is a clinical associate professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at the University of Washington. A psychologist and mother of two, she writes and lectures widely on adolescence and family behavior. She and Jennifer Wyatt, Ph.D., are the co-authors of three books, including Getting to Calm: Cool-headed Strategies for Parenting Tweens and Teens; The Launching Years: Strategies for Parenting Senior Year to College Life; and The Seven Year Stretch: How families Work Together to Grow Through Adolescence.Jennifer Wyatt, Ph.D., is a writer and the mother of four. With Laura Kastner, she co-wrote Getting to Calm: Cool-headed Strategies for Parenting Tweens and Teens; The Launching Years: Strategies for Parenting Senior Year to College Life; and The Seven Year Stretch: How Families Work Together to Grow Through Adolescence.
Acknowledgments xiiiIntroduction: Teen Difficulties Happen to the Best of Parents xiv1 When Your Sweet Child Morphs into a Sassy Teen 1Why Are Today's Teens So Rude? 1When to Try to Tame the 'Tude 3Staying Calm in the Face of Rudeness 5The Tricky Issue of Manners 6Family Story: A Mom Deftly Handles a Defiant Teen 7The Most Effective Parenting Style for Raising a Successful Teen 122 When Smart Teens Do Really Dumb Things 17When-and Why-Teens Don't Use Their Heads 17Extraordinary Discoveries in Brain Science 18Why Emotion Often Trumps Reason in Teens 20Family Story: A Teen's Big Blunder Triggers Extreme Parent Reactions 22Helping Kids Learn from Their Mistakes 26The Myth of Immunity 283 When Your Trustworthy Teen Pulls a Fast One 31Family Story: Skillful Handling of a Teen Crisis 31Stellar Strategies for Confronting a Teen 35Why Even Good Teens Lie 37Setting up Family Rules and Policies: Don't Forget to Have Them! 38Using the CALM Technique 42Dealing with Doubts: Do My Teen and I Have a Good Relationship? 454 When You and Your Spouse Disagree 48The Family Fish Bowl 48Family Story: Parents at Their Wit's End 54Good Cop/Bad Cop: Why Nobody Wins 59How Decent Kids Turn into Problem Kids 61Four Triggers for Splitting Parents Apart 645 When Your Teen Is Acting Like a Spoiled Brat 69The Epidemic of "Entitle-mania" 69Family Story: A Parent's Plan Backfires 70The Big Brush-off: A Teen's Favorite Weapon 72The Usual Slog with an Average Teen 75Q&A: How to Kick-start New and Better Habits for Truly Resistant Teens 76Family Story: If I Say "Yes," WillMy Teen Love Me More? 81Weak Boundaries and Family-of-Origin Problems 83Pathways to Indulgence 866 When You're Worried You're Losing Your Teen 89What Am I, Chopped Liver? 89Selfhood 2.0 90The Self-centeredness of Young Teens 93Lie Low and Wear Beige 97Family Story: A Dad Struggles with His Son's Choices 98Forks in the Road: Who Gets to Choose the Way? 101Identity Development: There's a Method to the Madness 1047 When They're Screaming at You-or Not Talking at All 108Family Story: A Savvy Mom Avoids a Mother-Daughter Tornado 109Dealing with Emotional Dumping 113Family Story: The Burdens of Boyhood 116Staying Connected when Your Teen Is Shutting You Out 119The "Girl Thing" and the "Boy Thing" 1218 When Teens Are Mean 127Why Bashing Your Teen's Friends Is a Bad Move 127Family Story: A Mom Helps Her Daughter Outwit an "Alpha" Friend 129How Parents Can Blow It by Overreacting to Peers 134Adolescent Social Bruises 136Social Cruelty on a Spectrum 138How "in" a Teen's World Should You Be? 140Strategic Moves for Banning Friends 141Nudging Shy Teens Along the Social Path 1439 When Your Teen Wants to Be Wired All the Time 147Family Story: A Turbo-charged Cyberidentity 151Family Story: Caught in the Web of a Cyberstalker 154Family Story: The Plague of Plagiarism 156Family Story: Pornography Invasion 158Family Story: Branding of Teens Like Cattle in a Herd 161Family Story: "Game Washed" 163Why Face Time Matters 16510 When Your Teen Is "Going Out" 168The Teen Brain in Love 168Family Story: A Mom Fears Her Son Is Falling for a "Fast Girl" 170Do's and Don'ts of Teen Dating for Parents 175Socializing, Romance, and Going Out 176Downsides of Romantic Relationships 180The Incredible Benefits of Dating 18211 When You Need to Talk About Sex 185Puberty Dawns 185New Bodies, New Challenges 186Talking to Teens About Sexuality: Myths and Misconceptions 188Family Story: Navigating the Tricky Waters of Talking About Sexual Intimacy 192A List for Teens Considering Sexual Intimacy 198New Trends on the Block 200Techniques for Talking About Sex 20112 When You're Fighting About Grades 205The Core Four 207What Kind of Student Is Your Teen? 208Family Story: A Lackadaisical Student Piles on the Excuses 211Help on the Home Front for Disappointing Grades 216Seven Top Tips for Boosting School Achievement 219What Matters More than the Numbers Game 22413 When You Catch Your Teen Drinking or Smoking 227Why Risk Is a Teen's Middle Name 228The Teen Brain and Substances: A Unique and Scary Brew 231Good Moves for Sticky Situations 233Write a Caring Letter to Your Teen 240Actions that Speak Louder than Words 24214 When Everyone Is Completely Stressed Out 245Family Story: A Scheduling Dilemma 247Why We Put Up with the Rat Race 250Crafting a Calmer Home 253A Strategic Plan for Building Family Health 257Notes 261Parent Resources 265Index 268
