How to Know If It's Time to Go: A 10-Step Reality Test for Your Marriage
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A controversial look at whether a marriage can be saved—or if it's “time to go.”For the millions caught in unhappy marriages, consumed by sadness, anger, and fear, the question haunts: “Should I divorce?” Now, in their insightful new book, a husband-and-wife team of marriage experts helps readers find the answer by taking them through ten steps to determine if their relationship has reached the breaking point.While Drs. Birnbach and Hyman do not advocate divorce, they point out that the most desirable situation—a happy long-term marriage—may simply not be possible in some cases. The book also discusses how the lives of people who stay in chronically unhappy marriages compare with those who split up. Filled with poignant case studies, cutting-edge research, and a 100-question self-assessment to determine if it's “time to go,” this unique guide dispels the myths about divorce and enables readers to recognize if there is still hope . . . or if they (and their families) are better off apart. Library Journal Psychoanalyst Birnbach and organizational consultant Hyman team up to present a guide to gauging how serious problems are in a marriage, what can be done to resolve them, or whether it's time to separate and divorce. Each chapter covers a relevant topic and closes with self-assessment questions. The authors see divorce as a last resort but provide a concrete plan for how to prepare and carry it out so it's as painless as possible. Excellent support for those who feel trapped in an unhappy marriage.
Acknowledgments ixIntroduction: Is This Me? xiPart 1 The Unhappy MarriageChapter 1 Defining the Unhappy Marriage 3Step 1 Determine-Is my marriage unhappy? How unhappy am I?Chapter 2 The Marriage Bill of Rights 17Chapter 3 How Parenting Falters 21Step 2 Ask yourself-Is our parenting faltering?Chapter 4 How Children Falter 34Step 3 Look at your children right now-Is your unhappy family affecting their school performance, behavior, and self-esteem?Chapter 5 How Sex and Intimacy Falter 43Step 4 Face the truth-What is the quality of our sexual and intimate life?Chapter 6 How Physical and Mental Health Falter 55Step 5 Assess-Is marital stress affecting my physical and mental health? My children's? My spouse's?Part 2 Myths about DivorceChapter 7 How Bias Shapes Your Thinking 66Step 6 Take an inventory-What are my fears about separating and divorcing? What stigma and shame do I fear from my family, friends, religion, and community?Chapter 8 Divorce Versus the Unhappy Marriage 87Chapter 9 The Transition Period 91Part 3 Truths about-DivorceChapter 10 Divorce for the Sake of the Children 96Step 7 Evaluate realistically-If I divorce, what do I fear will happen to my children? Will I lose them? Can I accept not seeing them every day?Chapter 11 Children's Self-Esteem 102Chapter 12 Impact on Adolescents and Young Adults 110Chapter 13 Growth of Empathy in Adolescents and Young Adults 116Chapter 14 How Men and Women Grow 120Chapter 15 Divorce and Finances 133Step 8 Face your fears-What financial repercussions of separation and divorce frighten me?Chapter 16 The Real Damage 146Part 4 Knowing When It's Time to GoChapter 17 Rescued Marriages: Exhausting Every Remedy 158Step 9 Take another inventory-Have I exhausted every remedy to heal my marriage? Do I have any realistic hope? What am I waiting for?Chapter 18 The Tipping Point 171Chapter 19 Making Your Plan 182Step 10 Decide-What's my plan?Appendices 187The Marriage Test 187Selected Annotated Bibliography 195Index 205About the Authors 210
