Love in the Time of HIV: The Gay Man's Guide to Sex, Dating, and Relationships
The facts of life have never been more complicated for gay men. While the threat of AIDS has been diminished by new treatments and longer life expectancy, HIV remains a serious and intractable foe. In this affirming guide, therapist Michael Mancilla, himself HIV-positive, helps fellow gay men, both single and partnered, pursue the happy and fulfilling love life they deserve. Readers will find advice on everything from meeting Mr. Right and talking about HIV status to building the long-term...
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The facts of life have never been more complicated for gay men. While the threat of AIDS has been diminished by new treatments and longer life expectancy, HIV remains a serious and intractable foe. In this affirming guide, therapist Michael Mancilla, himself HIV-positive, helps fellow gay men, both single and partnered, pursue the happy and fulfilling love life they deserve. Readers will find advice on everything from meeting Mr. Right and talking about HIV status to building the long-term relationships that many never expected to have. Candid first-hand accounts reveal how others in the community are negotiating safer sex, overcoming legal and financial hurdles to plan for the future, learning to accept care as well as give it, and crafting the kinds of intimate relationships they want, whether that means casual sex, dating, or permanent commitment. Smart, honest, and insightful, this book is written from the heart.
AcknowledgmentsNote from the AuthorsPrefaceIntroduction11Tell and Kiss: The Skill of Disclosure92Transitions: Reflection, Resilience, and Opportunity333Love in Contrast: Negative and Positive594An Indian Summer Romance: Positives with Positives825Jumper Cables and Relationships: Negatives with Negatives1186In Sickness and in Health: Your Body and Your Relationship1357Lazarus and Survivors: Those Who Continue164Epilogue201App. ALegal Protections for Couples with HIV203App. B: Resources215Notes219Index225About the Authors235
\ From the Publisher"Michael Mancilla and Lisa Troshinsky have written a well thought-out text on how to love with HIV/AIDS. Dating with HIV can be an emotional minefield. Issues of how and when to disclose are thick with anxiety; forming and sustaining relationships can be especially hard. Gay men have developed a number of approaches to intimate relationships, and the authors have provided a practical analysis that should allow readers to appreciate the pros and cons of each as they contemplate their own options. The book should be very helpful by itself to readers who want to explore these issues on their own; it should also be an excellent adjunct to therapy."--David J. Martin, PhD, Director, HIV Mental Health Services, Harbor-UCLA Medical Center; Professor, Dept. of Psychiatry and Biobehavioral Sciences, UCLA School of Medicine\ "This is a useful and friendly guide to negotiating the changing rules of gay dating. Think of Love in the Time of HIV as a travel book. Mancilla and Troshinsky offer seven chapters of culturally sensitive advice for moving through a now-dark, now-bright country--where the rules and customs are constantly shifting with the uneasy terrain, and the smiles and stares of the inhabitants are to be read in turns with caution and hopeful abandon. A Baedeker for the weary and wary, Love in the Time of HIV, like all good guides, delivers on both the personal and practical levels. Stories from the road, including Mancilla's own anecdotes, keep the journey in constant motion and show a vulnerability and familiarity with the field which seronegative tour organizers would probably lack. And the many valuable resources included alone make this book worth the cover price."--Edmund White, author of A Boy's Own Story and coauthor of The Joy of Gay Sex\ "This powerful book captures the complexities of relationships and sexuality for those living with HIV and those who love them. Although the disease is no longer seen as a 'death sentence,' it still has a tremendous impact on many men's lives. Mancilla helps readers navigate complicated issues and dilemmas and find the love and intimacy they want."--Vincent J. Lynch, MSW, PhD, Boston College Graduate School of Social Work\ "Mancilla writes poignantly about love and intimacy, talking about his personal experiences as well as those of clients and others he met in his research. This book touches on many of the important issues that face gay men in the age of HIV: meeting, making connections, sex, dating, rejection, and commitment. A truly valuable contribution."--Daniel W. Hicks, MD, Department of Psychiatry, Georgetown University Hospital\ "Over 20 years into the HIV/AIDS epidemic, this book is long overdue. It is a welcome gift for men venturing into the much-altered and challenging realms of dating, romance, love, and committed relationships. I highly recommend this wise, insightful, and useful resource."--Michael Shernoff, MSW, Columbia University School of Social Work and private practice, New York, NY\ "Love in the Time of HIV provides a range of useful and accessible information for all gay men, regardless of their serostatus. Practical knowledge, cultural insights, guidance, and personal sharing round out a very complete resource for those seeking to navigate the complex world of modern dating and relationships. The author identifies and explores many facets of gay relationships with great concern, humor and understanding (such as having an HIV-negative author write the chapter for HIV-negative men). This book offers almost every gay man an opportunity to revisit dating and come away with an enriched perspective."--Lin Maslow, RN, HIV Clinical Research Nurse, San Francisco, CA\ "Love in the Time of HIV insightfully examines the way that HIV has led gay men to rethink the nature of their relationships. Michael Mancilla and Lisa Troshinsky intelligently explore HIV-positive culture as an enclave within the larger gay world, while also demonstrating how HIV has saturated all levels of consciousness. Their sensitively crafted book brings welcome and long-overdue attention to a topic that should interest all students of queer culture."--Patrick Brennan, PhD, Humanities Department, Macon State College, Macon, GA\ \ \ \ \ \ \ Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy"Mancilla and Troshinsky have organized this book in a way that helps both the professional and the lay reader address the issues as they are likely to unfold in one's life....Both gay men and those providing services to them can and will benefit from this book....Mancilla and Troshinsky have taken on a huge task and done so with this practical and insightful piece of work."--Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy\ \
