Loving an Adult Child of an Alcoholic
The child of an alcoholic develops patterns of behavior during childhood which carry over into adult life. As children they were taught to cover up the family secret and suppress their feelings. No matter what is going on, as adults, when asked how she or he is doing your partner will likely answer "fine." Distrust, fear of abandonment, and sensitivity to criticism are all major issues for your adult child. Recognizing these patterns and changing the ones that cause problems will help you and...
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Distrust, fear of abandonment, and sensitivity to criticism are just a few of the traits found in adult children of alcoholics. This book is for the spouse or significant other to the adult child, and helps partners better understand the underlying causes of adult neuroses whose seeds were planted by growing up with an alcoholic parent. Douglas and Deborah Bey help couples recognize these patterns and offer suggestions for changing them so that they may enjoy a deeper, more meaningful relationship.
Acknowledgments ixIntroduction 1You Aren't Reading This by Accident 7Entering the "Mind Field" 29Putting the "Fun" Back in Dysfunction 53The Push-Pull of Commitment and Trust 65The Paradox of Chronic Tension 79He Had a Hat 91They Don't Know They're Beautiful 103Mountains from Molehills 113You Get to Make the "Important Decisions" and Your ACOA Makes the Rest 121Nurturing Your Partner's Inner Child 127Too Nice 135Parenting Is Scary for Most People-Especially Your Adult Child 149ACOAs Frequently Dread Social Occasions 161Birds of a Feather 173Tending to Your Relationship 181Dealing with Addiction Problems 189Religion Helps Us 199Conclusion 213Resources 219Index 225
\ Claudia BlackMost apparent in the reading of this book is that Doug and Deborah Bey believe in the possibility of adult children of alcoholics being able to garner and sustain healthy couple-ship. Addressing the well known issues of lack of trust, hypervigilance, difficulty with conflict, inability to play, assuming the worst, and fear of commitment are just a few of the dynamics in which they offer support and direction for both partners. With a wealth of examples, compassion, and humor this couple offers validation and hope to the possibilities of developing secure and healthy relationships.\ \
