Married to the Military: A Survival Guide for Military Wives, Girlfriends, and Women in Uniform

1\ Welcome to the Adventure of Military Life!\ Welcome to the sisterhood of military women! We are military wives, girlfriends, moms, and women in uniform. Just like you, we had to familiarize ourselves with military life and get to know the community pretty darn quick, sometimes while getting engaged and planning a wedding and other times while reeling from the shock of our Reservist husband suddenly being sent off to war. With all the crazy acronyms, rules, and bureaucracy on top of finding bridesmaids' dresses, it's easy to get overwhelmed — but don't! You can master this, and we are here to help you.\ In effect, this book is an orientation manual on military life based on the collective knowledge of military wives and women at CinCHouse.com. CinCHouse.com is a nonprofit organization and community of military women all over the world. In fact, the name "CinCHouse" is military jargon for "Commander in Chief of the House." That's what you are! And don't you forget it.\ You are the CinC of your house because, while your husband is out playing G.I. Joe, you are primarily responsible for raising the kids, managing the household finances, and establishing yourself and your family in the community. This is no job for the faint of heart. Don't be deceived by the feminine looks of many military wives standing next to their macho men; underneath lies the heart of Scarlett O'Hara. Besides, although the military may joke that "if we wanted a servicemember to have a wife, we would have issued one," your needs and personal and professional goals are just as important as your man's.\ Just remember this cardinal rule: Success in military life is all about knowledge and perspective. The purpose of this book is to give you information and a well-rounded perspective on military life so that you can make the right choices for yourself and your family, especially if you are starting a new life as a military wife. This book will:\ • Introduce you to daily life in the military and what you can expect in terms of services and the community — and what is expected of you. • Help you understand the benefits and how to get the most out of military life (the business of your marriage). • Help you understand and take control of the two primary threats to your sanity: relocation and deployment. • Strengthen your marriage by helping you develop a strategy with your servicemember on how to live together.\ DEALING WITH JARGON, POLITICAL CORRECTNESS, AND OTHER NONSENSE\ Unfortunately, military jargon has become a language all its own. You can refuse to learn it and find yourself corrected or stuck not knowing what was said, or you can become familiar with the basics. We prefer the latter approach, although we limit our use of jargon as much as possible. After all, our hubbies signed up for the job, not us.\ To help you through, every time a new acronym is introduced, we write it out fully and explain what it means. We explain military jargon in the same manner. Chapter 14 is a glossary entitled "Really Stupid Acronyms and Jargon," for your reference. The glossary is also good for translating lingo when on base, especially with the die-hard Marines.\ Also, let's skip the political correctness and just acknowledge that this book is written primarily for women, namely military wives and women in uniform. The Department of Defense (DoD) is required to use the term "spouse," but we use the more accurate term "wife." While the number of military husbands has increased slightly, they still represent only 6 percent of all military spouses, and the vast majority previously served in the military and are already very familiar with it. That is very different from a 20-something civilian woman who is just entering or marrying into the military for the first time. We are women, and we want to act and be treated as such.\ Additionally, this book takes a fresh approach by recognizing that women in uniform and military wives have common concerns. While military wives are primarily addressed because there are so many of us, many female servicemembers will find it useful because they share the same responsibilities for raising kids and managing households, finances, and relocation. There are plenty of orientation books on military jobs and protocol, but there are almost no good books about handling the family and personal aspects of military life. Thus, the term "military wife" also refers to those female servicemembers who feel married to the military and want solutions to these issues.\ Finally, before I get hate mail from nitpickers, let me say that this book covers the general concepts behind key aspects of military life. Different military services, bases, and offices, however, will do things slightly differently. Form 840 on Base A may be referred to as Form 850 on Base B, even though they say the same thing. The two forms are just printed on different-colored paper. What is important is that the concepts are the same, and the book will give you the tools to get through them.\ Your husband, boyfriend, or fiancé may freak out when he sees you reading this book. Why on earth, he'll say, do you need to understand this stuff? He'll take care of everything! And he can explain what you do need to know when you need to know it. Right?\ Wrong, bucko! You need to know about military life so you can control your family's destiny, and he may not always be around to explain how things work or to handle the situation. Your gut instinct tells you that. What you can tell your man is that, by reading this book, you will feel better about entering the adventures of military life, and you will be better able to support him in his mission and have a stronger relationship.\ The Least You Need to Know • You are neither the first nor the last woman to face the complicated world of military life. • This book is designed to help you succeed in taking control of your destiny and strengthening your relationship with your servicemember. • The key to controlling your destiny is to learn about military life, including all its acronyms and jargon.\ Resources • http://www.cinchouse.com — A nonprofit organization and the Internet's largest community of military wives and women in uniform.\ Copyright © 2009 by Meredith Leyva

1 Welcome to the Adventure of Military Life! 1Dealing with Jargon, Political Correctness, and Other Nonsense 22 Your First Day as CinCHouse 6Getting Documented 6Getting to Know Your Base 113 Controlling Your Family's Destiny 15Getting Started in the Military 16Understanding Career Tracks 20The Daily Grind 21The Reality of Relocation 23Reservists' Duties 26Differences Between Military and Civilian Jobs 274 Community and Family Resources 30Government and Nonprofit Organizations 30Civil Servants vs. Bureaucrats: How to Get Business Done on Base 34Spouse Clubs and Command Family Support Groups 36What Are Other Military Wives and Female Service Members Like, Anyway? 38The Case for Getting Involved 405 Protocol, or How to Get Along in a Hierarchy 44Ranks and Privileges 44What the Uniform Means 46Enlisted Rank Insignia 50And Your Name Is...? 54What to Wear? The Appropriate Dress for Every Military Occasion 566 Your Portable Career 62Education 687 Personal Finances-Military Style 70How Military Pay Works 70Reserve Pay 74How to Read a Leave and Earnings Statement (Pay Stub) 76Taxable vs. Nontaxable Income 85Problems with Military Pay 85Direct Deposit 86Tax and Regulatory Benefits 87Lower Your Interest Rates by Going to War 88Retirement Benefits 89How Politics Affects Your Retirement 91Survivor's Benefits and Life Insurance 91Educational Benefits 938 Health Care Benefits 97Myths About Military vs. Civilian Care 97Tricare: The HMO for the Military 100How Tricare's Coverage Rates 102Tricks for Getting the Best Health Care 103When a Family Member Has Special Needs106Tricare Regions and Contact Information 109Dental Care 1129 Relocation and Housing 113Moving Your Household Goods 115Reimbursement for Your Travel 119House-Hunting Leave 124The Logistical Process of Moving with the Military 126Storage 127Shipping Your Cars 127Shipping a Mobile Home 128Shipping Firearms 129Relocating Pets 129Traveling Overseas 130Moving Out 131The Big Trip 136Moving In 136Housing 139Easing the Transition to a New Community 144Pearls of Wisdom for a Great Move 145Master Relocation Checklist 14610 Marriage Hoo-ah! 151Creating a Family Strategy and Lifetime Dreams 151A Big "If" 158Calling All Military Men: Better Ways to Communicate with Your Wife 159Handling Deployment Separation Together 161Extra Parenting Skills for Military Couples 16511 The Adventures of Military Life 169Furnishing a Military Household 169How to Vacation at Almost No Cost 172Children's Activities (for Kids from Two to 92) 17312 What Happens When the Worst Happens-and What to Do 177When You Must Live Near an Ailing Family Member 177If you Must Separate from an Abusive Spouse 178When Your Service Member's Pay Gets Screwed Up and Your Have No Money for Groceries or Bills 178When You Have Emergency Expenses 178When You Desperately Need to Track Down a Deployed Service Member 179When Both Parents or a Single Parent Is in the Military and Forced to Deploy 179When a Service Member Dies 180When Your Man Comes Home "Changed" 18013 Preventing Trouble in Paradise 18714 Really Stupid Acronyms and Jargon 190Acknowledgments 199Index 201

\ From the Publisher\ "For someone new to military life, adjusting can sometimes be overwhelming. Married to the Military provides great information and a commonsense approach that will help military wives and significant others make the best of their experiences." -- Sylvia Kidd, director of family programs for the Association of the U.S. Army (AUSA) and spouse of the Sergeant Major of the Army (Ret.)\ \