Mars and Venus Starting Over: A Practical Guide for Finding Love Again after a Painful Breakup, Divorce, or the Loss of a Loved One
Is it possible to find love again after a breakup, death, or divorce?\ At the end of a relationship, it can sometimes feel like the end of the world. Devastation, loneliness, and bitterness are some emotions that exist due to a breakup, divorce, or the loss of a loved one. But with the help of this compassionate guide, Dr. John Gray expresses that you will survive and tells you how to find love again.\ While the process of healing is similar with both sexes, there are distinct differences...
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The author of the history-making publishing phenomenon Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus now addresses the particular relationship concerns of all those who are starting over--newly single after a death, a divorce, or other serious breakup.
Chapter One\ When single again, men and women face different challenges. Just as we think,feel, and communicate differently, we also respond differently to the loss of love. During a crisis of the heart, a woman's instinctive and automaticreactions are not the same as a man's. Her issues are different as well as her mistakes. What is good for her is not necessarily good for him. Ina variety of ways, their needs are worlds apart. It is as if men were from Mars and women were from Venus.\ Although we cope differently, both men and women can experience equallyagonizing feelings. Starting over after a divorce, a painful breakup, or the death of a loved one can be the most challenging experience of a lifetime.For most people devastated by the loss of love, it is beyond anything wecould have expected, predicted, or imagined.\ Starting over after a divorce, a painful breakup, or the death of a loved one can be the most challenging experience of a lifetime.\ Our hearts ache as they cry out in loneliness and confusion. We are stunned by our helplessness. We fight inside with our inability to change what has happened. We become distraught as we sink into the depths of despair and hopelessness. We feel lost and abandoned in a sea of emptiness and darkness.Time slows down and the passing of each moment seems like eternity.\ After a loss, we fight inside ourselves with our inability to change whathas happened.\ It is a struggle simply to fill each empty moment and get through the day.At times the bittersweet pain of loss is replaced by a dull numbness, but then something reminds us of our loss, and once again we long to feel and love again. Never before have weexperienced our need for love and connection so agonizingly. As we are forced to face and feel the raw pain in our hearts,we realize our lives will never again be the same.\ Eventually, when the healing process is complete, we fully let go. In ourminds and hearts, we surrender and accept that we can't change what has happened. Being single again, we start to rebuild our lives. Once more,we begin to reach out to give and receive love. Although we could not have imagined it, our lives come back to a sense of normalcy. After the darkness of despair, the warm, comforting, and soothing sunshine of love reveals itself once again. Although this happy ending is possible, it is not guaranteed.\ Understanding the Healing Process\ To heal a broken heart, we must be able to complete the healing process.This requires new insight and understanding, but most people are not awareof what is necessary. We are not taught how to heal a broken heart in school,nor is it something with which we have a lot of practice. Being in the dark and vulnerable, we either blindly follow the advice of friends and family,or we simply follow our own instincts. We make decisions and choices that may sound reasonable but quite often are counterproductive. Though we findtemporary relief, in the long run we do not nurture or complete the healing process.\ We are not taught how to heal a broken heart in school.\ After the loss of love, some people do thrive again. Many are not so successful.After spiraling down to the depths of despair, they never make it out tothe other side. To various degrees and in different ways, they continueto suffer their loss. Aware of the pain of losing love, they hold back fromfully opening their hearts again.\ Others, who appear to have let go, sometimes really haven't. They believe they have successfully moved on, but have done so at the cost of closingthe door to their hearts. To avoid feeling their pain, they have moved on too quickly. As a result they have numbed their ability to fully feel. Without realizing it or recognizing how they did it, they have closed up. They carry on in their lives unable to feel the love in their hearts. Their ability to grow in love and happiness is stunted.\ Becoming single again is definitely a crisis. Like any crisis, it is a timeof danger and a time of opportunity. The opportunity is the possibility of healing and strengthening your heart and mind so that you will move onhealthy and whole. The danger is that you do not complete the healing process. Time alone does not heal all wounds. How we cope with the loss of love determines the rest of our lives.\ How the Heart Heals\ To ensure that we complete the healing process, it is important that we understand the basics of how the heart heals. This process is most easily understood and visualized by considering how a broken bone heals. An emotionalwound is abstract, but a broken bone is very tangible and concrete. Recognizing the various steps in healing a broken bone can assist us in acknowledgingand respecting the needs of our broken heart.\ When a bone breaks, our body already contains the natural healing powerto correct the problem. It hurts, but eventually the pain goes away. As long as we don't interfere, the body heals itself automatically, in a predictable time period. When this automatic healing process is allowed and nurtured,the bone will actually grow back stronger than before. In a similar way,if you are able to nurture the healing of a broken heart, it also will grow back stronger. The pain and despair will pass, and you will find love andjoy again.\ When a broken heart heals it actually grows back stronger.\ When a bone is broken, it must be reset and then be protected in a castto allow the body's automatic and natural healing processes to occur. Ifthe bone is not reset straight, then it will grow back crooked. If it isnot given enough time to rest, protected in a cast, it will remain weak.Likewise, if the protective cast is never taken off, the bone will neverfully become strong again. Similar warnings apply to the process of healinga broken heart.\ Mars and Venus Starting Over. Copyright © by John Gray. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.
Emotional Lag TimeGrieving the Loss of LoveGetting UnstuckGood Endings Make Good BeginningsThe Feeling Better ExerciseFinding ForgivenessSaying Good-bye with LoveThe 90-10 PrincipleProcessing Our Hot Spots101 Ways to Heal Our HeartsStarting Over Date Around, but Don't Sleep AroundGlorifying Our PastOverromanticizingFocusing on the NegativeWho Needs a Man?Women Who Do Too MuchFear of IntimacyMy Children Need MeAll or NothingStarting Over on MarsSex on the ReboundWork, Money, and LovePositive AddictionsWe Don't Have to Stop LovingSoul Mates Are Not PerfectCan't Live With Them and Can't Live Without ThemHolding BackBigger Is BetterSelf-Destructive Tendencies
\ From Barnes & NobleBreakups punctuate our lives. Learning to get beyond the devastation of a broken heart is the subject of this lucid and realistic book. Gray's descriptions of how men and women respond differently to the loss of a love may not be true of everybody, but these gender generalities will help some readers recognize potential pitfalls. Memorable advice about getting to the next chapter of your life.\ \
