Momma Zen: Walking the Crooked Path of Motherhood
Combining humor, honesty, and plainspoken advice, Momma Zen distills the doubts and frustrations of parenting into vignettes of Zen wisdom.\ Drawing on her experience as a first-time mother, and on her years of Zen meditation and study, Miller explores how the daily challenges of parenthood can become the most profound spiritual journey of our lives.\ This compelling and wise memoir follows the timeline of early motherhood from pregnancy through toddlerhood. Momma Zen takes readers on a...
Search in google:
Combining humor, honesty, and plainspoken advice, Momma Zen distills the doubts and frustrations of parenting into vignettes of Zen wisdom. Drawing on her experience as a first-time mother, and on her years of Zen meditation and study, Miller explores how the daily challenges of parenthood can become the most profound spiritual journey of our lives. This compelling and wise memoir follows the timeline of early motherhood from pregnancy through toddlerhood. Momma Zen takes readers on a transformative journey, charting a mother’s growth beyond naive expectations and disorientation to finding fulfillment in ordinary tasks, developing greater self-awareness and acceptance—to the gradual discovery of “maternal bliss,” a state of abiding happiness and ease that is available to us all. “Being a mother is one of the most amazing, miraculous, mysterious, dignifying, and illuminating things you will ever do.” In her gentle and reassuring voice, Karen Miller convinces us that ancient and authentic spiritual lessons can be as familiar as a lullaby, as ordinary as pureed peas, and as frequent as a sleepless night. She offers encouragement for the hard days, consolation for the long haul, and the lightheartedness every new mom needs to face the crooked path of motherhood straight on.
Too Tired\ Avoid it as long as possible, then when you're ready, stop and look at yourself in the mirror. Staring back at you is your new best friend, your steady companion. Say hello to fatigue. It has come to stay.\ I was not a wife or a mother when I attended my twentieth high school reunion. I wafted into the Marriott ballroom that night, bright, shining, and weightless by the choices that had left me unencumbered at the age of thirty-eight. I looked fantastic, and more so by comparison to my classmates, I thought. Most of them were, naturally, raising families and toughing out difficult marriages. They wore every hard day's night on their faces, hair, and everywhere. An exuberant ex approached, sizing up my full effect. "What's your secret?" he gushed. I demurred. I was so deluded. I thought (a) there was a secret, and (b) I knew it.\ Whatever I thought it was, I must have forgotten it between the 1:00 a.m. and 4:00 a.m. feedings. I must have misplaced it on one of those ten thousand nights when the fever goes up, the coughing gets worse, or the crying won't quit. I must have washed it with the whites or swept it up with the mud, crud, and cracker crumbs.\ More so than the endless tasks and deprivations, it is something else that ultimately wears you down and out. It is the monumental responsibility of parenthood in general and motherhood in particular. It renders you so very tired that you begin to look and even sound like your own mother. I am too tired to pick you up. I am too tired to play. I am too tired to laugh. I am sick and tired.\ A Zen teacher might exhort, "When you're tired, be tired." In other words, don't exaggerate, contemplate, bemoan, or otherwise involve yourself with it. Don't reject it; don't despise it. Don't inflate it with meaning or difficulty. Be what you are: be tired.\ Exhaustion is not a strategic spot from which to defend your turf. It's not the best place to start drawing lines and setting limits. It's not a power position. And therein lies the extreme benevolence of it. Be tired. Be so tired that you will let the troubles and turmoil wash over you. Be so tired that you will stop measuring the length of your hardship and stop looking for an end. You will forego some things for a time—bouncy hair, brilliant eyes, clear skin, incalculable dress sizes, good cheer, the intoxication of looking your best—but you will lose nothing that is worth fighting for.\ Fatigue is a gift. Like many of the gifts that come to mothers, it is not one you would choose, like a spa vacation, but one you can use, like a humidifier. It is a cure and a balm. Fatigue helps you forget. When you are tired, you let go. You drop what you no longer need and you do not pick it up again.
Author's Note: What Is Zen? xiCrooked Path: How do you go straight on a crooked path? 1Other Mothers: Overwhelmed and uncertain-there's no other kind 3Just Love: The first and last word on the subject of motherhood 9No Expectation: What not to expect when you're expecting 13Being Unprepared: Now delivering the unplanned portion of your life 20Life Force: Nothing little about it 26Losing Ground: Dwelling nowhere, raise the mind 31Sing Song: Where lullabies come from 33Small Failures: There are no mistakes, even the unforgivable ones 38Night Watch: A meditation on sleeplessness 42Making Change: Things change. How quickly can you? 47Too Tired: No returns or exchanges: fatigue is the gift of the maternal 52No Exit: Open your mind and step free 55Little by Little: Climb the cliff without hands 59About Time: You're the keeper 61Other Toys: Know how to be satisfied 69Flowers Fall: When bad things happen 75Workloads: Who's the real workhorse in the family? 80Just Eat: Let food be food 85On and Off: Tuning in to the middle way 91Self-Discipline: Don't deceive yourself 96Magic Words: Learning to talk 103Waking Up: Turn the light inward 109No Trace: They grow up soon enough 111No Separation: The reality of saying bye-bye 116Right Now: Attention, Mom! Can you handle it right now? 122Fresh Start: Always just beginning 125Be Yourself: You're not who you think you are 128Home Again: Every day is a good day 135You'll Know: Knowing nothing is knowing everything 137At Ease: The grass grows by itself 142Tending Garden: Seasons of marriage 146Beyond Words: The timeless voice of love 151Why Not: No right answers, only a right question 155Happily After: A wise mother's inheritance 162How to Meditate: Finding a moment in the midst 167For the Hard Days: Where to look for help 171Credits 173
