My Husband Betty: Love, Sex, and Life with a Crossdresser
My Husband Betty is the first book to explore the relationships of crossdressing men and their female partners. Known traditionally as transvestites, men like Helen Boyd's husband are starting to come out and win the respect of friends, family, and society - even if their behavior still baffles mental health professionals and the crossdressers themselves. Boyd explains the "taxonomy" of the transgendered, the distinct societies within the transgendered community, the effects of the closet,...
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Author Helen Boyd is a happily married woman whose husband enjoys sharing her wardrobe—and she has written the first book on transgendered men to focus on their relationships and their female partners. Traditionally known as cross-dressers, transvestites, or drag queens, men like Helen’s husband are diverse and don’t always conform to stereotype. Many of the older transvestites are socially conservative, deeply closeted, and devout churchgoers. Helen addresses every imaginable question concerning the reasons for behavior that still baffles not only “mental health professionals” but the practitioners themselves; the taxonomy of the transgendered and the distinct but overlapping societies of each group; coming out; bisexuality; and homophobia. The book features interviews with some very interesting people, all of whom struggle and love: dominatrix and her cross-dressing husband; a crossdressing Reiki master and his son; a woman who after dating one cross-dresser wanted to date others and met—and fell in love with—a transsexual instead; a woman whose husband promised her he was only a cross-dresser and later realized that he was transsexual. This is a book about relationships that will engage the reader, and Helen’s narrative is a powerful lens with which to examine our own notions of gender and equality. Library Journal This may be the first work written by the wife of a heterosexual cross-dresser. Drawing on her five-year marriage to "Betty"-as well as reports from other couples from the cross-dressing and transgendered community-Boyd (a pseudonym) discusses with humor and candor ways to come to terms with cross-dressing, focusing on issues of identity, trust, and sexuality. Critically, yet with sympathy, she explores misconceptions about cross-dressing ("a cross between a wish and a compulsion") and describes communities and support groups. In the world of cross-dressing, she reveals that there is no "one size fits all": some men keep their behavior a secret, others act on the desire to "out" in public, and still others transition to being transgendered. Unlike many wives of cross-dressers, Boyd learned of Betty's behavior during their early weeks of dating; she now moderates an online support group for wives and partners of cross-dressers. Though primarily addressed to the wives and partners of cross-dressers (and cross-dressers themselves), this will undoubtedly have a wider appeal to those curious about this subculture. Recommended for public and academic libraries.-Lucille M. Boone, San Jose P.L., CA Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information.
PrefaceNotesCh. 1Introduction: who we are, why this book1Ch. 2Crossdressed Lives: why they do it, who they are, why they can't stop20Ch. 3Crossdressers' Wives, Girlfriends, and Partners: who they are, why they stay, how they deal49Ch. 4Relationships: making it work for both of you84Ch. 5Slippery Slope?: crossdressers, transsexualism, and autogynephilia115Ch. 6Sex and Sensibility: straight, bi, and gay; role-playing & bdsm149Ch. 7Episcene: gay bars, lesbian spaces, the t* friendly world186Ch. 8Gendered Politics: homophobia, feminism, and being the T in in GLBT214Afterword: A Few Words from Betty: a few words from the crossdresser in question242App. A: Glossary: defining my terms244App. BThe Cast of Characters: all the people mentioned in this book256App. C: Annotated Bibliography: reviews of tg books265App. DResources: places for the crossdresser to find support and community275"Swan Song"284
\ Library JournalThis may be the first work written by the wife of a heterosexual cross-dresser. Drawing on her five-year marriage to "Betty"-as well as reports from other couples from the cross-dressing and transgendered community-Boyd (a pseudonym) discusses with humor and candor ways to come to terms with cross-dressing, focusing on issues of identity, trust, and sexuality. Critically, yet with sympathy, she explores misconceptions about cross-dressing ("a cross between a wish and a compulsion") and describes communities and support groups. In the world of cross-dressing, she reveals that there is no "one size fits all": some men keep their behavior a secret, others act on the desire to "out" in public, and still others transition to being transgendered. Unlike many wives of cross-dressers, Boyd learned of Betty's behavior during their early weeks of dating; she now moderates an online support group for wives and partners of cross-dressers. Though primarily addressed to the wives and partners of cross-dressers (and cross-dressers themselves), this will undoubtedly have a wider appeal to those curious about this subculture. Recommended for public and academic libraries.-Lucille M. Boone, San Jose P.L., CA Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information.\ \ \ \ \ Kirkus ReviewsThe forthright wife of a transvestite offers a revealing look inside the little-known world of transgendered men and their female partners. Boyd (a pseudonym), founder of an online support group for cross-dressers and their partners, pulls no punches here in telling her primary audience, women with cross-dressing boyfriends or husbands, what she has learned from both personal experience and five years of research. Among the questions she tackles are why some men cross-dress and why women choose to stay with them. Profiling six couples from her online support group to demonstrate that there are various ways of dealing with cross-dressing, Boyd opens with a brief introduction to each couple (and photos of some), then lets them describe themselves and their relationship in their own words. Elsewhere, she discusses the pros and cons of coming out, the most common sexual problems of cross-dressers, and the differences and similarities among cross-dressers, transsexuals, and homosexuals. She argues that cross-dressers, some of whom are quite adamant about being heterosexual and resist any linkage with other transgendered groups, could learn a lot from the gay community about facing harassment, discrimination in employment, and rejection from friends and family. The book has a helter-skelter feel: Boyd mixes big topics like history, politics, and psychology with up-close and personal material about cross-dressers she has come to know and like, her personal experiences living with a cross-dresser, her clashes with those whose views she does not share. Whatever its organizational faults, however they're balanced by the author's honest voicing of her opinions, misgivings, and fears.Back-of-the-book material includes a glossary of expressions and abbreviations used in the transgendered community, with supplemental terms that should have been folded into the main entry; an alphabetical list by first name of all the people mentioned in the text, which serves no readily discernible purpose; a chatty annotated bibliography; and a list of resources for cross-dressers and their significant others. Makes abundantly clear the complexities of life with a cross-dresser.\ \
