Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child: From Your First Hours Together Through the Teen Years
A guide for adoptive parents from preparations for a child's arrival through the teen years.
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Every year, more and more Americans are expanding their families through international adoption. This book explains how to help a child adopted between the ages of six months and five years cope with change, bond with his or her new parents, become a part of the family, and develop a positive self-image that incorporates both American identity and ethnic origins. With advice on language and educational challenges and the development of self-control and independence, Cogen guides adoptive parents all the way through their children's teen years.
Acknowledgments ixIntroduction: Proactive Parenting 1Understanding Your Child's Behavior- and Misbehavior"Are You My Mommy? Are You My Daddy?" The Beginnings of Identity 9Differences in Development: Identity, "Attachment," Connection, and Resiliency 15Identity and Your Child's Complex Background 29Connection, Survival Skills, and Family Skills 36Resiliency and Reactive Coping Behaviors 50Memories from a Complex Background 63Key Parenting StrategiesProviding a Framework for Fragmented Memories 74The Roots of Identity: We Are Alike, We Are Different 87Connection Activities and Games 96Eye Contact and Face-to-Face Interaction 104Joyful Play, Language, and Connection 111Sleep, Connection, and Separation 127Teaching Your Child to Self-Soothe and Self-Calm 146Sensory-Motor Integration and Stimulation Management 165"Ping-Pong" Interactions for Connection and Reconnection 185Making Rules and Limits Work 191Repairing Disconnection between Child and Parent 202Encouraging Adjustment and Interdependence 207Structuring Transitions, Separations,and Work/Life Decisions 223As Your Adopted Child Grows UpAdoption Issues from Three to Five: Questions and Answers about Birth, Past, and Present 236Adoption Issues from Three to Five: Separation and Reunion 242Adoption Issues from Three to Five: Dictators and Bosses 259Adoption Issues from Six to Nine: Making Choices about Race, Culture, Ethnicity, and Identity 273Adoption Issues from Six to Nine: Creating a Deeper and More Detailed Adoption Story 284Adoption Issues from Six to Nine: Acting Out, Being "Perfect," and Other Challenging Behaviors 297Adoption Issues from Ten to Twelve: New Bodies, New Pressures 309Adoption Issues from Ten to Twelve: Identity Challenged and Reinforced 329Adoption Issues from Ten to Twelve: Independence without Disconnection 343Adoption Issues in the Teen Years: In the Shadow of Independence 355Adoption Issues in the Teen Years: How Self-Control Happens, and What to Do When It Does Not 369Adoption Issues in the Teen Years: Mixed Heritages, Fluid Identities 399Last Words 413Teaching Your Child Your Language 414Bibliography 417Index 424
