The Lesbian Parenting Book: A Guide to Creating Families and Raising Children

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Author: D.Merilee Clunis

ISBN-10: 1580050905

ISBN-13: 9781580050906

Category: Children of gay parents

This new edition of the now classic guidebook on lesbian parenting covers topics from how to get pregnant to coping with today's teens. Written by two experienced lesbian therapists and parents, this completely revised edition of The Lesbian Parenting Book has been updated to reflect the contemporary cultural and political landscape, as well as current trends in parenting. Drawing on the real-life experiences of lesbian families and the latest information from family specialists and...

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Written by two experienced lesbian therapists and parents, this second completely revised edition of The Lesbian Parenting Book has been updated to reflect the contemporary cultural and political landscape, as well as current trends in parenting. Drawing on the real-life experiences of lesbian families and the latest information from family specialists, the authors present detailed, chapter-by-chapter information on each stage of parenthood and child development. New material includes information on circumcision, Internet safety, legal hoops for noncustodial parents, the facts about late-in-life pregnancies, moms working inside and outside of the home, and more. An essential text for every lesbian who is involved in—or considering—raising a family.

Note to the New EditionixIntroduction: Navigating the Journey of Lesbian Parenting1Section 1Our Lives as Lesbian Families71We're Here to Stay: Our Unique Families9What's It Like Being a Lesbian Family?Structure and LanguageComing OutThe Strengths of Our FamiliesA Challenge to SexismEgalitarian ArrangementsMore Room at the TableA Wide Support NetworkA Broader PerspectiveOur Evolving Families2Starting Out: Alternative Insemination, Foster-Parenting and Adoption19Children--To Have or Not to Have?Pregnancy via Alternative InseminationAn Insemination "Prep Talk"A Word About HIV and AIDSThe Great Lesbian Sperm ChaseA.I. with a Known DonorRomancing the Syringe: At-Home InseminationGetting Pregnant the Old-Fashioned WayWhen You Can't ConceiveFoster-ParentingLoving and Letting GoAdoptionCrossing Ability, Cultural and Racial LinesAgency AdoptionFoster-Adopt ProgramsIndependent AdoptionsInternational AdoptionsHow Do I Know If I Like Having Children in My Life?3Branches on Our Family Tree: Partners, Fathers, Siblings and Others41What's in a Name?Beyond Our "Job Descriptions"Fathers and Other Men in Our LivesFathers via MarriageDonors: Anonymous or Known?Fathers via Chosen FamilyFather FantasiesMale Role ModelsChanging RelationshipsExtended Family: From "Goddess-Parents" to GrandparentsThe Significance of SiblingsNew Visions4Coming Out to Our Children and Families61Defining Our Terms: Coming Out, Heterosexism and HomophobiaThe Advantages of Coming Out to Our ChildrenIntimacy vs. SecrecyOpen CommunicationSelf-EsteemThe Risks of Coming Out to Our ChildrenHow to Come Out to Children"But What's a Lesbian?": Coming Out to Young Children"What If She Hates Me?": Considerations with AdolescentsComing Out to Adult ChildrenComing Out TransgenderedNavigating in the World: Our Children's IssuesFull Circle: Coming Out to Our Family of OriginWhen Lesbian Becomes ParentWhen Parent Becomes Lesbian5Engaged Parenting: Communication and Conflict Resolution86Caring CommunicationListening So Children Will TalkTalking So Children Will ListenSetting LimitsResolving Conflicts ConstructivelyParents as ModelsResolving Conflicts with Young ChildrenSibling RivalryResolving Conflicts with AdolescentsThe Tradition of Family MeetingsWhen to Get Help6Helping Our Children Through Loss and Divorce112The Stages of GriefSupporting Your Child Through the Grieving ProcessHelping Your Child Face DeathDeath of a ChildDivorceNavigating Divorce: The Challenges for ParentsWhat Divorce Does to Kids: Short TermWhat Divorce Does to Kids: Long TermTelling Your Child About DivorceLesbian Divorce7Confronting Racism and Building Rainbows132How Racist Are We?Defining Our TermsHow Racism Affects IndividualsHow Racism Affects FamiliesThinking About Adoption and RaceLiving in an Interracial Adoptive Family"You Picked Me Out!": How Children Perceive Race and AdoptionInterracial Couples with ChildrenRaising Bias-Free ChildrenBuilding Self-Esteem and Positive Racial IdentityConfronting Racist CommentsWhen Your Child Practices RacismWhen Your Child Experiences RacismWalking Our Talk8Celebrating Our Lives: New Family Traditions153Reclaiming Rituals and Building TraditionsEveryday RitualsEarthly DelightsHoliday CelebrationsLGBT Pride Holidays and CelebrationsSpur-of-the-Moment GatheringsBirthdays and Rites of PassageWhile We're ApartDeathCreating Your Family TraditionsSection 2Parenting Our Children as They Grow1679At the Very Beginning: Pregnancy and Childbirth169Great ExpectationsA Pregnancy PreviewGetting SupportA Word for Adoptive Parents-to-BeDays in the Lives of Pregnant LesbiansChildbirthGetting Quality Prenatal CareBirthing Issues for the Pregnant Mother... and Her PartnerLabor Preparation: From Birthing Classes to PopsiclesGiving Birth at a HospitalAt a Birthing CenterA Home BirthMiscarriage and Stillbirth10Your New Baby: The First Eighteen Months186Development GuidepostsNewborn to Six Months: Pee, Poop, Tears ... and SmilesSix to Eighteen Months: Learning Through MovementParenting IssuesWho Does What?Family and Friends: Help or Hindrance?Out in the WorldChild-care ChoicesSafety11Parenting the Toddler: Eighteen Months to Thirty-Six Months203Development GuidepostsPhysical SkillsCognitive AdvancesPsychologicalSocial DevelopmentParenting IssuesBecoming Independent"I Go Potty!"The Gentle Art of DisciplineShe Said ... She Said: Being Consistent as a CoupleSupport Groups and Play GroupsOut in the WorldToddler "Outings"Out at WorkCouple Time12The Emerging Child: Three to Six Years220Development GuidepostsSpirals of ChangePhysical SkillsCognitive AdvancesEmotionalSocial DevelopmentGender and SexualityParenting IssuesMoms as MirrorsThe "Why" YearsOut in the WorldStructured Environments: Preschool and KindergartenSafetyReligious GroupsInternational and Interracial AdoptionsTime Out for RelationshipsYou and Your PartnerEducating Your Extended Family13Logic and Rules; Fairness and Morals: Six to Ten Years239Development GuidepostsThe Logical ChildRules and Moral ReasoningEmotionalSocial DevelopmentPhysical SkillsThe Playing's the ThingParenting IssuesPlaying by the RulesValues--Yours, Mine and OursVacations Without the KidsOut in the WorldSportsSchoolSex EducationThe World Wide WebMoving and Making Friends14The Journey of Adolescence: Not Necessarily a Nightmare259Four Myths About AdolescenceAdolescent Development: An OverviewEarly, Late or on TimeSkills: Now You See Them, Now You Don'tRaising Boys ... and Raising GirlsThe Damaging Messages Our Daughters HearPutting Your Own Adolescence in PerspectiveKeeping Adolescents SafeShifting the Parenting GearsEngaged Parenting ... Adolescent-Style15On the Road to Adulthood: Ten to Fourteen Years277Development GuidepostsPhysical ChangesSexual AwakeningIntellectual and Moral DevelopmentEmotional GrowthIs This Problem Serious?DepressionSuicideEating DisordersParenting IssuesSeparation and IndependenceSchool and Social Life: Get Involved or Steer Clear?16Independence and Identity: Fourteen to Eighteen Years303Development GuidepostsIntellectual and Moral DevelopmentEmotional GrowthThe Social SceneThe Golden Age of FriendshipParenting IssuesIs Your Teen's Having a Job Good or Bad?Sex, Drugs and Rock 'n' RollIs This Problem Serious?Drug and Alcohol ProblemsThe Academic SlideOther Behavior Problems17Stepping into New Roles: Our Adult Children330The Launching YearsFamily Occasions: Fun or Fearful?Meeting Your Child's PartnerThe Challenge of WeddingsFrom Moms to GrandmomsHey, Mom, I'm Home AgainResources347Appendices352ASecond-Parent Adoption352BAlternative Insemination and Infertility Workups354CSample Parenting Agreement358DThe Test of Twelve360Notes361General Bibliography369Selected Bibliography386Index394Acknowledgments402About the Authors405