The Secret Lives of Men: What Men Want You to Know about Love, Sex, and Relationships
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Say Goodbye to Guessing Games, Communication Conflicts, One-sided Conversations, 'Dry Spells,' and Silent TreatmentsFor centuries women have been trying to put into words what perplexes them most about men. However, the inner world of the male's psyche continues to succeed in outwitting women, and The Secret Lives of Men is the long-awaited antidote that unravels the mysteries that keep women from enjoying true connection and authentic relationships with the men in their lives, whether they be husbands, partners, sons, fathers, or friends.In this provocative and pivotal book, male psychology expert, researcher, and professor, Christopher Blazina, Ph.D., contends that contrary to popular belief, men really do want to be understood, not cast aside as unemotional, backward thinking, desensitized, or 'clueless'—and they desire to connect with others. With unbiased compassion and true understanding of the needs of both men and women, Dr. Blazina offers techniques and prescriptions for navigating the emotional, physical, and intellectual realms of the male psyche at all stages of his life. Through The Secret Lives of Men you will: Discover the 'Ten Commandments of Growing Up Male' Learn about the secret shoebox and how to get him to unlock this 'holy of holies' Have a better sex life and get on the same page about what feels hot and what does notIdentify the 'proper,' effective ways to give feedback to a manAvoid the major relationship landmines and let healthy conflict deepen relationshipsMen have secret lives, and they are complex and multidimensional. The Secret Lives of Men serves as a bridge between you and the men you want to know and understand. Publishers Weekly Gimmicks are mercifully absent in this revealing introduction to the male psyche that introduces romantic partners and family members to the process of male socialization (the "ten commandments of growing up male" such as "there is only one way to be a man," "fear the feminine," "funnel... feelings into sex or aggression") and the entrenched cultural rules that men confront and struggle to live up to. Blazina, a male-psychology expert, is a compassionate guide. While some territory has already been mined by others, his effort serves more ably than most as a practical instrument for improving relationships with men, through unpacking the "secret shoebox," a metaphorical place where men store their most private wishes, fantasies and pains; making enlightening suggestions for helping the notorious "Peter Pan" become an adult; and providing examples of how women-often unwittingly-"emotionally castrate" the men in their lives. "Mars" and "Venus" are nowhere in sight as Blazina embraces commonalities between the sexes in this respectful and deeply healing book. (Nov.)Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
Introduction xi Part I The Secret, Inner World of Men1 The Ten Commandments of Growing Up Male 32 The Secret Shoe Box: The Basis for Love and Sex 213 Man Emotions: More than Sex and Aggression 454 Beyond the Body Armor: When Feelings Are Exposed 83 Part II The Growing-Up Years5 Peter Pan Doesn't Live Here Anymore 1176 Lost Boys to Renaissance Men 149 Part III Making Peace with the Past7 The Father and Mother Wounds 1838 Making Peace with the Shadow Parents 215 Part IV What Every Man Needs from a Woman, but Is Afraid to Ask9 The V Spot: Castrating the Man You Love 25510 How to Offer Constructive Feedback to a Man 28711 Why Every Man Needs a Guardian and How to Become One for the One You Love 311 References 349 Index 354
