The Way Of Boys: Raising Healthy Boys in an Age of Unfair Expectations, Diagnoses, and Pills
Boys today are being bombarded with a slew of diagnoses-ADHD, Asperger's bipolar disorder-at an alarming rate and at younger ages. The Way of Boys urges parents, educators, pediatricians, psychologists, and other developmental experts to reevaluate and significantly change how we deal with our youngest boys. When parents understand the wide spectrum for normal boy development, they can successfully communicate with their son-and everyone in their son's life-and help him grow into a healthy...
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Boys will be boys . . . It's time we stopped trying to "fix" them. Boys today are being bombarded with a slew of diagnoses—ADHD, Asperger's, bipolar disorder—at an alarming rate and at younger ages. The Way of Boys urges parents, educators, pediatricians, psychologists, and other developmental experts to reevaluate and significantly change how we deal with our youngest boys. When parents understand the wide spectrum for normal boy development, they can successfully communicate with their son—and everyone in their son's life—and help him grow into a healthy and smart young man. Dr. Anthony Rao challenges some of the potentially harmful assumptions, attitudes, and behaviors we've developed toward young boyhood over the last few decades. The Way of Boys is a celebration of natural, constructive boyhood development and an expert, definitive handbook on what to look for and expect in normal growth. Global Province: The Martketplace of Ideas “Rao deftly admonishes quick fix psychiatrists and anxious parents to more patiently deal with children’s growth and problems even if their youngsters are not developing at the speed of light...Rao’s practical book...is filled with case by case examples of children trying to find their way.”
1 Your Problem is Spelled B-O-Y 1Faster Pace Equals Higher DemandsOther Contributing FactorsHe's Just a Boy2 Little Girls Aren't Like This 17The MachineSystems ApproachDiffering Responses to Stress3 He Doesn't Have any Friends 29Almost Every Boy is NormalSocial Skills at PlayWhat's His Style of Play?Action Leads to TalkEncouraging Emotional AwarenessWhy is He Playing Alone?Socializing in SchoolAttachment and SeparationSeparation Anxiety4 He's a Bully 49Impulse ControlPracticing Boundaries at HomeReading Social CuesSharing and Turn TakingEmpathyBoys are Empathetic Late BloomersWhat are Appropriate Social Skills for Young Boys?Bullying at SchoolHow to Deal with the Bullying LabelWhat is a Bully?Why is He Doing This?Strategies for Containing Behavior at SchoolSetting RemindersPracticing CalmBe Patient5 He Won't Sit Still! 75Energy to BurnSigns That He's Not Moving EnoughActivities for Younger BoysActivities for Older BoysThe Myth of Team SportsShouldn't He Learn to Sit Still?Practicing Sitting StillGet OutsideCauses of Movement6 He Runs the Household 93What's Wrong with Time-outs?Take it AwayDetention: The New Time-outTime-Away is Better Than Time-outWhat if He Won't Stay Put?Wild ThingsIt's Not Just a PunishmentDiana's StoryThe Long View7 He has to Win, or Else 107What is Competition Good For?Age-Appropriate GamesKeep it FunHow Boys Learn About Winning and LosingThe First LossLosing Gracefully-or Not at AllThe Battle Against DisappointmentCheating is DevelopmentalWhat About Athletic Games?Older Boys Who Struggle with Competition8 He Wants to be the Bad Guy 127What's Good About Being Bad?Role PlayingViolent ToysHow Much is Too Much?How to Join inRules for Joining inHow to Set LimitsWhen He Crosses the LineWhy Consequences WorkHe's Not ReadyWhen he ObsessesThe Link Between Bad Guys and FearBad Boy Play Long Term9 He's Suddenly Fragile 147Growing up isn't EasyHe Wants to Be the BestHe Won't Leave My SideThe Empathy CheckWhere Have I Seen This Before?I Hate YouThe Mini-ManipulatorLearning Self-TalkAn Anger PlanGive Him Headlines10 He Hates School 163Why School isn't a Good FitBoosting His Behavior at SchoolThe Short Course in Behavioral AdjustmentMaking Home More Like SchoolRelating to the TeacherPractice Adult Empathy FirstMaking the Home-School ConnectionTalking to Your SonTake the Direct Approach at HomeLabels aren't always the AnswerTechniques for Home and ClassroomKeep the Relationship PositiveProblems are Often SituationalThe Pressure to Fix itThe End of Summer11 The Teacher Thinks He Needs Testing 195When is Testing Helpful?When is Testing not Useful?When Testing Goes AwryWhat's an IEP, Anyway?Ignore Diagnostic LanguageIf They Say Your Son Needs TestingListen Even if You don't AgreeKnow Your Own StyleThe Parent-Teacher ConferenceKeep Track of What's SaidUpdates from HomeCommunication BreakdownIntervention-Style MeetingsPractice ModerationBut I don't want him TestedUseful AccommodationsWhen to Refuse AccommodationsChanging SchoolsGetting More Support and Help12 He Has Already Been Labeled 223The Criteria of a SymptomTracking His Behavior-Is It a Real Problem?What are the Tests?Other Tests You May EncounterWhat's the Rush?What a Diagnosis Fails to SayGet a Second OpinionMedicationSadness and AnxietyWhat about Placebo Effects?13 What Will He be Like as a Grown Man? 243Brett-the Boy in ChargeKenny-Mr. InflexibleBen-the WorrierRonny-Mr. MeltdownSome Final ThoughtsAcknowledgments 267References 269Index 281
\ Jerome Groopman"Parents are often overhwhelmed when struggling with the behavior of growing boys. Dr. Anthony Rao provides the kind of customized wisdom that comes from decades of clinical practice and—most important—success for boys at home and at school. This book is an invaluable contribution for those families in need."\ \ \ \ \ Michael Gurian"This book offers clear understanding of the various and varied ways boys grow and develop into healthy, well-adjusted adults. Many of the modern obstacles to this development—and the parental confusion they cause—fall away after one reads Dr. Rao’s compassionate, specific, problem-solving book."\ \ \ Global Province: The Martketplace of Ideas“Rao deftly admonishes quick fix psychiatrists and anxious parents to more patiently deal with children’s growth and problems even if their youngsters are not developing at the speed of light...Rao’s practical book...is filled with case by case examples of children trying to find their way.”\ \ \ \ \ Global Province: The Martketplace of Ideas"Rao deftly admonishes quick fix psychiatrists and anxious parents to more patiently deal with children’s growth and problems even if their youngsters are not developing at the speed of light...Rao’s practical book...is filled with case by case examples of children trying to find their way."\ \ \ \ \ Global Province: The Martketplace of Ideas“Rao deftly admonishes quick fix psychiatrists and anxious parents to more patiently deal with children’s growth and problems even if their youngsters are not developing at the speed of light...Rao’s practical book...is filled with case by case examples of children trying to find their way.”\ \
