When Your Spouse Comes Out: A Straight Mate's Recovery Manual
Effective therapeutic self-help techniques for a straight mate's recovery \ \ One of the most traumatic events that can happen in a marriage is discovering your mate is gay. When Your Spouse Comes Out: A Straight Mate's Recovery Manual is a comprehensive exploration of the trauma that provides practical steps that successful individuals have taken to keep this event from ruining their future. This guide offers solid therapeutic techniques for self-help and presents poignant true stories that...
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Effective therapeutic self-help techniques for a straight mate's recovery One of the most traumatic events that can happen in a marriage is discovering your mate is gay. When Your Spouse Comes Out: A Straight Mate's Recovery Manual is a comprehensive exploration of the trauma that provides practical steps that successful individuals have taken to keep this event from ruining their future. This guide offers solid therapeutic techniques for self-help and presents poignant true stories that illustrate that the damage is not irreparable. The book examines the various reactions to the coming-out event, the personal challenges and obstacles often experienced, and shares lessons learned and some of the secrets of transformation. When this crisis hits home, isolation, depression, anger, grief, and self-recrimination take root. When Your Spouse Comes Out: A Straight Mate's Recovery Manual presents role models, analysis, practices, and activities promoting long-term emotional recovery for heterosexual men and women whose intimate partners are gay. The text includes integrated exercises helpful for class work and student discussion and case studies of people who recount their stories and explain their recovery. Topics in When Your Spouse Comes Out: A Straight Mate's Recovery Manual include: • Different straight spouse responses to the coming out event • Diverse ways gay mates approach coming out • Typical stages of coping by straight spouses • Health risks • How to tell the children • Helping children with the resulting challenges • Paths toward healing • Recreating family • And more When Your Spouse Comes Out: A Straight Mate's Recovery Manual offers a self-directed path to recovery which can be used individually or in the context of a support group. This guide is invaluable for straight spouses working alone or in groups, therapists, counselors, group facilitators, librarians, families of gays/lesbians, and their mates.
Foreword Preface PART I: GROUND UNDERSTANDING CONTRASTING PATTERNS Chapter 1. Three Straight Spouse Stories A Victim: "Just Getting By" Paralyzed: "Isolated and Stuck" A Thriving Exemplar: "Moving On" Preparation for This Course in Recovery Questions to Ponder and Activity Chapter 2. Coming Out Three Ways Living the Double Life A Faster Track Endless Closet Questions to Ponder and Activities Chapter 3. Steps Toward Resolution: A Typical Example Early Reactions The New Reality Turning Point Resolution Questions to Ponder and Activity PART II: PATH SELF-HEALING GUIDE FOR STRAIGHT SPOUSES Chapter 4. Underlying Psychological Forces Boundary Disturbances and Defense Mechanisms Introjection Questions to Ponder and Activity Confluence Questions to Ponder and Activity Retroflection Questions to Ponder and Activity Projection Questions to Ponder and Activity Deflection Questions to Ponder and Activity Conclusion Chapter 5. Overcoming Immediate Personal Challenges Fear, Secrecy and Isolation A Therapeutic Approach to Fear Activities: Awareness, Insight, and Action Shame and Self-Doubt A Therapeutic Approach to Shame Activities Related to Shame Chapter 6. Processing Risks, Anger, and Grief Physical Health Risks Inevitable Anger A Therapeutic Approach to Anger Activities Related to Anger Loss and Grief A Therapeutic Approach to Grief Awareness, Insight, and Action Related to Grief Questions to Ponder and Activities Chapter 7. Meeting Family and Social Challenges Telling the Children Coparenting and Single Parenting Re-Creating Family Developmental Challenges with Children Understanding Your Gay Partner's Process Relating to a Gay Mate Shifting Social and Family Ties Questions to Ponder and Activity Chapter 8. Mastering Long-Term Personal Obstacles Loss of Trust Religious and Moral Conflicts Depression Bitterness Loneliness Reiteration of a Past Wound Questions to Ponder and Activities PART III: FRUITION THRIVING AFTER CRISIS Chapter 9. Secrets of Transformation Living "On Purpose" Tools for Renewal Nourishment of the Spirit Healing from Within Appendix A: Activities for Self Healing Appendix B: Related Resources References Index
