Wicked Irish for the Traveler
LINKS ON THE BRINK\ \ \ \ "Nil cleachtadh agam ar thonnta dha throigh deag ar airde i bhfiontar uisce."\ \ - I'm not accustomed to 12-foot breakers in a water hazard.\ \ \ \ "An bhfuil na fothracha/liosanna thar teorainn?"\ \ - Are the ruins/fairy forts out of bounds?\ \ \ \ "Ar choir dom scraithini a chur thar nais i dtalamh coisricthe?"\ \ - Should I replace divots in consecrated ground?\ \ \ \ "An bhfuil faoiseamh ag dul dom on dolmain/gcaora/lurachan so."\ \ - Am I entitled to relief from...
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Howard Tomb is on the road again. Author of the sneakily successful Wicked Traveler books - Wicked French for the Traveler, Wicked Italian for the Traveler, and four other titles, with a total of 993,000 copies in print - Mr. Tomb now travels to Ireland, enchanted land of blarney, sheep, the McCourts, Guinness, and an incomprehensible language called Irish. From Dublin on Five Pints an Hour to Genuflection for Beginners, Wicked Irish helps visitors negotiate the nuances of a country where even trees are considered Protestant or Catholic. Learn to flatter customs agents: "'Tis a grand machine you have there, officer!" Politely decline the heavy Irish breakfast: "I've given up pig entrails/congealed blood for Lent." Show appreciation for fine whiskey: "ACK ACK! Mother Mary! That goes down the nun's knickers!" There's even a special section just for golfers: "Should I replace divots in consecrated ground? Am I entitled to relief from this dolmen/ewe/leprechaun? Shite! I don't usually lose a putt in the wind." Wicked Irish is instant gift of gab, and soon you'll be toasting newfound friends, strangers, barmaids, and even stray dogs with confidence: Erin go bragh!
DRIVING TIPS\ \ \ \ Safe driving depends on good habits and instincts, since you don't have time to think in emergencies. That's why life is so dangerous on the left side of the road: the habits you've nurtured for as long as long as you've been driving are suddenly wrong. A simple right turn could be murder.\ \ \ \ Irish cars have standard transmissions, so you have to drive and shift on the left. Most roads feature potholes and stone walls (known as "ditches" or "hedges"), not shoulders. Where you'd expect an intersection you'll find a roundabout. The urge to drink can be powerful (What's an Irish vacation without alcohol, after all?), but impaired drivers go home in a box.\ \ \ \ DO NOT\ \ \ \ * Drive at night\ \ \ \ * Drink and drive\ \ \ \ * Attempt to become airborne on bumpy roads\ \ \ \ * Transport livestock without permission\ \ \ \ DO\ \ \ \ * Grab every last scrap of insurance\ \ \ \ * Rent the largest car you can find to gain a Newtonian advantage in a head-on collision\ \ \ \ * Ask the rental agent for religious statuary\ \ \ \ * Consider a bus tour\ \ \ \ Excerpted from Wicked Irish. Copyright
CONTENTSSeveral Dozen Welcomes…5Pronunciation…6Disclaimer…7TRAVEL AND ACCOMMODATION Celtic Customs…8 Taxing Cabbies…9Irish Road Kill…10 Driving Tips…11On Guard…12Road Signs…13Finding Your Way…14Master the Road Wave…16 When Irish Eyes are Prying…17Slightly Beyond MurphyIs Bed…18Youth Hostile…20Traveler's Prayer…21 CULTURE A Wee Bit of History…22Portrait of the Tourist as a Young Literature Major…24Gaelo-matic Quick Reference Guide…25Lash 'emThrash 'em…26Let's Talk Sheep…27Slur O'Rama…28Unraveling a Yarn…29Dial a Saint…30Our Father Knows Best…31Genuflect Like You Mean It…32FOOD, DRINK, AND RECOVERYSurviving a Paddy's Breakfast…33 Five Easy Pieces of Ice…34Spud with a Thousand Faces…35 Last Crawl for Alcohol…36Share Their Pain…37Whisky Flavor Wheel…38Angela's Warpath…40Pool 'n' Dart Night…41Close Encounters of the Pub Kind…42SIGHTSEEING AND OTHER THRILLSQuiverdance…43Detecting the Sights of Dublin…44Dublin on Five Pints an Hour…45The Illuminated Doodle…46Stout-Bellied Man…47Shop 'til You Stop…48 Testing Irish Hospitality…50Exploring the Royal Rubble…51The Sham's Rock…51Better Left Unsaid…52Links on the Brink…54Your Turf Accountant…56SOCIAL IRELANDYour Very ExtendedFamily…57Politics, Religion, and Health…58Kiss My Aphorism…59Romancing a Lassie…60Romancing a Laddie…61In Loving Memory…62The Inevitable Thank-You Note…63
