Coming out of Shame: Transforming Gay and Lesbian Lives
In Coming Out of Shame, Gershen Kaufman and Lev Raphael expose the role shame has come to play in gay and lesbian lives. Rarely discussed but vastly important, shame powerfully shapes each individual's development of self-esteem, identity, and intimacy - three areas where gay men and lesbians have been extremely vulnerable to the crippling effects of shame. Tracing the historical and cultural sources of gay shame, Kaufman and Raphael reveal how gay men and lesbians have internalized shame,...
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In Coming Out of Shame, Gershen Kaufman and Lev Raphael expose the role shame has come to play in gay and lesbian lives. Rarely discussed but vastly important, shame powerfully shapes each individual's development of self-esteem, identity, and intimacy - three areas where gay men and lesbians have been extremely vulnerable to the crippling effects of shame. Tracing the historical and cultural sources of gay shame, Kaufman and Raphael reveal how gay men and lesbians have internalized shame, resulting in self-loathing and self-destructive behaviors. The hallmark of shame is silence, and by breaking the silence around the dynamics of gay shame, Kaufman and Raphael offer a way to "come out" of shame and begin the journey toward wholeness and self-acceptance. Filled with the experiences of those struggling to overcome shame, Coming Out of Shame includes strategies for storing self-esteem, creating a positive gay identity, healing scenes of shame, and developing partnerships in intimacy. Self-affirming and inspirational, Coming Out of Shame guides the transformation of gay shame into gay pride and empowers gay men and lesbians as no other book has done. Library Journal Psychologist and psychotherapist Kaufman (Shame: The Power of Caring, Shenckman, 1981) has been publishing on shame for two decades; Raphael, his life partner of ten years, is best known for his fiction (Winter Eyes, St. Martin's, 1992). Together they present the main features of shame theory based on the work of Silvan Tomkins; they then move on to examine how internalized shame and fear impact on self-esteem, identity, and intimacy, specifically in the life experiences of lesbians and gay men. Maintaining that the self is continuously evolving, the authors offer "reparenting" imagery to transform scenes in an attempt to help make patterns of emotion more visible and thus diminish shame in individuals and relationships, as well as facilitate resolution of such issues as sexual monogamy. The use of humor and examples from case studies help mitigate the text's redundancy. The technical terminology somewhat obscures the many insights in this book clearly intended for the sophisticated layperson. For public collections strong on gay issues.-James E. Van Buskirk, San Francisco P.L.
Prologue: Divided from Ourselves3Ch. 1A Sickness of the Soul15Ch. 2Haunted by Shame77Ch. 3From Gay Shame to Gay Pride122Ch. 4Affect, Sex, and Relationships187Ch. 5Partners in Intimacy236Epilogue: Revisioning Our Lives, Reinventing Ourselves274Notes281Selected Bibliography285
\ Library JournalPsychologist and psychotherapist Kaufman (Shame: The Power of Caring, Shenckman, 1981) has been publishing on shame for two decades; Raphael, his life partner of ten years, is best known for his fiction (Winter Eyes, St. Martin's, 1992). Together they present the main features of shame theory based on the work of Silvan Tomkins; they then move on to examine how internalized shame and fear impact on self-esteem, identity, and intimacy, specifically in the life experiences of lesbians and gay men. Maintaining that the self is continuously evolving, the authors offer "reparenting" imagery to transform scenes in an attempt to help make patterns of emotion more visible and thus diminish shame in individuals and relationships, as well as facilitate resolution of such issues as sexual monogamy. The use of humor and examples from case studies help mitigate the text's redundancy. The technical terminology somewhat obscures the many insights in this book clearly intended for the sophisticated layperson. For public collections strong on gay issues.-James E. Van Buskirk, San Francisco P.L.\ \ \ From Barnes & NobleThe authors reveal how gay men and lesbians have internalized shame, resulting in self-loathing and self-destruction. They also provide strategies for transforming gay shame into gay pride.\ \
