Try to See It My Way: Being Fair in Love and Marriage
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A deeply probing book that gets to the heart of what all healthy romantic relationships need: fairness.Most couples enter a marriage hoping it can last forever. So, why are more and more relationships failing over time? As Dr. B. Janet Hibbs explains, poor communication skills or inherent differences between men and women are not solely to blame. The answer lies much deeper— the key to healthy, loving relationships is fairness. Without a sense of fairness, marriages fail.Intuitively, we think we know what is “fair.” But as this book reveals, the way we each define “what's fair” is much more complex, and is powerfully shaped by our family expectations and experiences.Fairness issues underlie everyday problems that become larger than life, such as: Why don't you ever help clean the house? Why don't you ask me how my day was anymore? Or, they can create family loyalty conflicts that sound like this: Why do you always let your mother tell you what to do? The “growing pains” in relationships— around money, children, and sex—all require the skills to negotiate what's fair.Here, Dr. B. Janet Hibbs provides readers with a road map for recognizing imbalances and building a stronger, more loving relationship based on a new kind of fairness—one that they create with their partner. Filled with compassion, practical advice, and compelling, real-life examples throughout, this book offers a groundbreaking understanding of the root cause of conflicts that erode relationships. It is essential reading for therapists and all couples.
Introduction Why Being Fair Will Make Your Relationship Stronger 1Pt. 1 Understanding Fairness1 Recognizing Your Blind Spots and False Assumptions 212 How Fair Are You?: A Questionnaire 443 Defining the New Fairness 524 Balancing Give-and-Take 885 The Baggage You Bring to Relationships 107Pt. 2 Repairing Everyday Injustices and Breaches in Fairness6 Family Loyalty Conflicts: The Ties That Bond and Bind 1497 "Stupid" Fights: How the Relationship Survival Kit Helps Day-to-Day Unfairness 1738 Money, Children, Chores, and Sex: Resolving Fairness and the Growing Pains of Love 2029 Enduring Injustice: To the Brink, and Back to Fairness 24210 Applying Your Fairness Toolbox 284Appendix 289Notes 181Bibliography 300Index 303
