When It's Time to Leave Your Lover: A Guide for Gay Men
When It's Time to Leave Your Lover: A Guide for Gay Men is for people who need help ending a gay male relationship that is no longer viable or for friends and family who want to support a gay man experiencing a breakup. This book provides tips on how to successfully cope with the post-breakup period and how to grow emotionally from the experience. You will discover how to tell a lover good-bye while learning about the psychological and social changes to be anticipated in this situation. When...
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When It's Time to Leave Your Lover: A Guide for Gay Men is for people who need help ending a gay male relationship that is no longer viable or for friends and family who want to support a gay man experiencing a breakup. This book provides tips on how to successfully cope with the post-breakup period and how to grow emotionally from the experience. You will discover how to tell a lover good-bye while learning about the psychological and social changes to be anticipated in this situation. When It's Time to Leave Your Lover gives you helpful, practical advice on how to cope with ending a relationship in a positive and constructive manner.This unique book contains actual interviews with gay men and vignettes that clearly illustrate the topics. They provide you with a deeper understanding of all aspects of the break-up period. When It's Time to Leave Your Lover is a unique how-to book that gives you helpful and practical advice on such important issues as:making an assessment of your relationship to determine if it is no longer viable constructively leaving your partner and making it a positive experiencecoping with the uncoupling experience by using specific techniques to avoid common mistakes such as the rebound relationshipgrowing from your uncoupling experience so you can enjoy more fulfilling relationships in the futuremanaging the social and psychological effects of a breakup through use of your support system of family and friendsseeking support through specific organizations available in several different cities that help gay men deal with breakupsSincere and full of knowledgeable advice, When It's Time to Leave Your Lover offers proven suggestions that will help you revisit the mistakes you made during your relationship, preparing you for more satisfying relationships in the future that are based on compatibility, respect, and trust. A valuable and reader-friendly book, When It's Time to Leave Your Lover will enhance your understanding of the break-up experience and will help you understand, learn from, and get past the heartache of ending a relationship.
Acknowledgments\ Introduction\ Who Could Benefit from This Book\ Value-Free Descriptions of Human Behavior Do Not Exist\ What I Do Not Address in This Book\ The Term "Gay Community"\ How to Use, and How Not to Use, This Book\ Chapter Outline\ Ambivalence and Uncoupling\ Couples Therapy and Staying together\ Homophobia and (I'm Not Paranoid) Our Enemies\ Chapter 1. Lovesick\ Chapter 2. Reinventing Your Life: Making the Decision to Leave Him\ Resistance to Letting Go\ Confusion from the Start\ A Change in Needs\ Separation/Individuation versus Merging\ Loving a Fantasy\ Trust\ What Love Can't Do\ Friends Before Lovers\ Denial\ Chemicals and Physical Violence\ Never Forgiven\ Power and Control\ Jealousy\ Dysfunctional Needs\ Self-Image and Second-Class Relationship\ Obligation versus Desire\ The Opposite of Emotional Support\ Sex\ The One-Person Relationship\ Putting It Together\ Chapter 3. How to Break Up Like a Grown-Up: Healthy Ways of Saying Good-Bye\ The Breakup Fight\ Breaking Up Is Your Decision\ Acceptance\ Anger and Punishment\ Where and How to Do It: Practical Considerations\ Crying and Manipulation and Forgetting the Whole Thing\ Drinking, Other Chemicals, and Your Physical Stamina\ Violence\ What and What Not to Say\ Moving Out\ Getting Your Stuff Back\ A Work on Behavior and Thoughts and Feelings\ Now That You Are Single\ Chapter 4. A Time of Pain: Dealing with the Emotional Aftermath of a Gay Divorce\ Abrupt Loss and Sadness\ Depression Is Not Sadness\ Identity Disruption\ Confusion and Unreality\ Disappointment\ Failure and Homophobic Failure Messages\ Chapter 5. You No Longer Live Here: Social and Other Life Changes of Breaking Up\ Running into Your Ex on the Street and in Other Places\ Explaining Your New Status to the World\ Relationship Secrets Becoming Public\ Unsolicited and Solicited Information About Him\ What Happens to His Friends and You?\ What About Your Friends and Him?\ The Ex, Friends, and Sex: Can Your Friends Now Date Your Ex?\ Your Free Time: Anxiety and New Activities\ Chapter 6. Creating the Ex-Relationship: Developing the Kind of Contact You Want\ Contacting Him\ Your First Meeting Together\ Your New Association\ What If Your Have No Interest in Ever Seeing Him Again?\ When You Should Have Nothing to Do with Him Again\ Reasons You Want to See Him\ In Summary\ Chapter 7. Remembering the Misery: Why You Shouldn't Go Back\ Self-Esteem Issues\ Remembering the Misery (Emotionally)\ How Do You Rate Your Current Life?\ A Unilateral Decision Again\ If the Future Is Without Him\ Chapter 8. Alone Again: Facing the Difficulties, Appreciating the Benefits\ Growing Up\ The Real Lousy Parts of Being Without a Lover\ The Need to Connect\ Being in Love Again\ The Benefits of Being Alone\ Reevaluating Your Life: A Time for Major Life Change\ Dating: Fun with a Purpose\ Chapter 9. How to Say No to the Rebound Trap: Taking a Relationship Vacation\ You Need a Vacation\ What Is Rebounding\ Grieving and Rebounding\ Bad Feelings About Gay Relationships\ Bad Feelings Engendered in Your Ex\ But Not Even Dating? Come on, Give Me a Break\ How Do You Avoid Rebounding?
